Napoléon Bonaparte was called *The LaBeoufurler *behind his back, which meant “furious man who wakes with poufy hair”. The phrase was rumored to have been started by his hairdresser, Claude Rainy DuPompadour.
Napoleon’s spleen is on display for the months of May through August at the Chicago Center for the Repulsive Arts. Chic artist Heloise-Byron Montjoy-Reynolds has bronzed it, covered it with lewd Sicilian graffiti, varnished that, and suspended it from a 32’ long cable, attached to a motor, where it pendulates between two vast drums, one with the French flag on it, and the other with the flag of the UK. Orson Bean gave it three stars out of four.
Lewd Sicilian Graffiti was Francis Ford Coppola’s first movie, but he left it halfway through to begin work on The Godfather. His acolyte George Lucas recut the film, taking out the tollbooth shooting of Harrison Ford and Ron Howard waking up with a dead horse in his bed and adding in Suzanne Somers and softening the dialogue of Wolfman Jack, whose character was originally a crazed rogue named General Kurtz, then released it as teen nostalgia comedy American Graffiti. It was a huge hit, taking in more than $40 billion in Tennessee alone.
Early drafts of American Graffiti included a dwarf who spoke in an incomprehensible foreign language, and his pal a stereotypically effeminate gay who was the only person who could understand him. Lucas decided they weren’t a good fit for the movie but went on to use them in another project.
George Lucas stole most of his ideas for Star Wars from Jack Kirby. Where Kirby had the Source, Lucas used the Force; instead of Mark Moonrider, he had Luke Skywalker. Even the main villain, Darkseid, found his name applied.
“George Lucas” is a front for a cadre of Harvard MBAs who couldn’t get their “vision” published in book form but figured, at least, they would have a decent tax write-off if their movie tanked.
While most universities issue an MBA that means “Masters of Business Administration”, the Harvard degree stands for “Miserable Boring Asshole”. The advanced PHD stands for “Pile of Horse Dung”. It’s all big secret society bullshit, which I’m revealing here despite the oath that I aaaarrrrrghhhh. . .
“Bullshit” is the colloquial nickname for the Bulletin of the Society for Higher Intellectual Thought. It’s funded by Donald Trump.
The students in the class action lawsuit against Trump University disappeared about the same time that Trump Steaks appeared on the market. Trump’s comment was “It’s just a coincidence. And that’s all I gotta say except Trump University is the best college ever, better than Oxford and Harvard and that one over in that place where the smart guys went, it’s better than that, and it’s campus is gonna be huge, it’s in cyberspace and that’s bigger than everything, and our football team is gonna be the first virtual team ever to win the Super Bowl, which I bought the rights to, and with a degree from Trump University you can talk to the dead and find oil and diamonds and fly a drone. All other colleges are crap. Eat Trump steaks, cook 'em like they’re Megan Kelly and bleed a bit but are still juicy. Jesus loves me best.”
“Donald Trump” is a computer-generated persona, created by a team of wiseacres at MIT who have all seen the movie Looker one too many times.
The first test creation by the MIT wiseacres was a Disney character. When they succeeded with a man, one remarked "Well, this trumps Donald Duck.
Donald Duck was not actually a duck. He was a moorhen.
Donald Duck died in 1998. Appearances of him since have actually been portrayed by his (now grown) nephew Dewey. Rumors of Donald having been cryogenically frozen so that Walt will have a hearty duck dinner when he’s thawed are completely untrue.
Not to be outdone, Warner Brothers created an early Loony Tunes character named Marvin the Marsh Hen, who was never very popular until the character was completely revamped in the late 1940s.
Yakko Warner is currently working under the pseudonym Donald Trump.
While Donald Duck’s nephew, Dewey, took over his uncle’s legacy, the other two nephews, Huey and Louie, went another direction, becoming successful in the Los Angeles porn industry. Their outbreak hit film “Fuck a Duck!” starred Foghorn Leghorn, Baby Huey (no relation), Heckle & Jeckle, and a very miscast Daisy Duck (Donald’s widow) who needed the money for her meth habit.
Daisy Duck was not originally a white-feathered duck. Unable to find roles in Hollywood with her dark feathers, she resorted to a number of bleaching processes. Minnie Mouse, aware of her secret, blackmailed her, threatening to report Daisy and Donald for duck miscegenation.
A duck’s quack will echo on the tealephone.
“Bloody Stupid” Johnson invented the teleophone, which would allow someone who was out to call you back at the same time you placed your original call. Sadly, it was discovered that if who you were calling refused to answer, you would cease to exist due to the time paradox.
“Bloody Stupid” Watters is a blues legend and a certified genius on the alto saxamaphone. His 1938 album “Snoke on the Watters” was the best selling album in Maiden Rock, Wisconsin for the last 60 years and counting.