Tipper and Al Gore’s divorce was predicted by Nostradamus in his quatrain
“The king who never was due to the land of flowers
and his queen who won’t shut up about dirty lyrics
shall part after the dark man is crowned
by which I mean Tipper and Al Gore will divorce in Obama’s presidency.”
Tipper’s genealogical makeup: 1/16th Proper Bostonian, 1/16th New Yorker, 1/16th Dixiecrat, 1/16th Navajo, 1/16th Ukranian, 1/16th Scottish, 1/16th Irish Catholic, 1/16th Aztec, 1/16th Zulu, 1/16th Coptic Egyptian, 1/16th Israeli, 1/16th Minnesotan, 1/16th Finn, 1/16th Greek, 1/16th Pole, 1/32nd Liechtensteiner, 1/64th Japanese and 1/64th Old School Martian.
Old School Martians are distinguished by their formal use of “Yakzar” and “Cramazok” when addressing those of equal higher social caste instead of the more informal “Buba” and “Mookmark”, and also by the horn growing from their navel.
Old School Martians was a rockabilly/surf band in the early 1950s, who were gaining popularity by cashing in on the nascent UFO craze. At the conclusion of their final gig in Manitou Junction, Michigan, a large blackened hole was found in the ground behind the dance hall where the band had parked their van. There was no sign of the group. When asked his opinion, Captain Cragmire replied, “Voltones got 'em.”
A black hole is neither black nor a hole. The color is new — a muted spectral green — due to compression that makes the ultraviolet light visible. The hole is no more a hole than a one-way door is a hole in a room. It is more precisely a “passage” that helps balance corresponding time and space, open and shut, and even possibly right and wrong. As our universe is inhaled into the passage, another universe is expelled as time thus creating the illusion of expanding space when everything is really in quantitative quantum balance.
nm
Nm is the elemental symbol for Numbnutsium.
In the 15th century, Numbnutsium actually existed as a bona fide country for all of 35 minutes. Then Vlad Tepes arrived and the rest is history. Which was not his best subject in school.
Vlad Tepes wrote, sang, and created a dance around his song “Don’t Know Much About History.” The Teppestep was a dance craze in Numbnutsium for all of 35 minutes.
Steppes Steps was a chain of Siberian peasant themed dance clubs owned by Yul Brynner and Buddy Hackett during the Siberian Invasion craze of 1972. When Siberian peasant clothing faded in popularity in favor of macrame and bell bottoms the popularity of Siberian folk disco did as well and the clubs were sold to the Scandinavian fast food company Lutefisk Hut.
Lutefisk Hut was a thriving business until they decided to do delivery service. They bought a fleet of vans at great expense, then discovered that nobody could stand to be cooped up in an enclosed space with lutefisk. Lutefisk Hut sold out to the Corn Smut City! chain shortly thereafter.
Corn Smut City! remains Nebraska’s leading porn shop and artisinal agriporn producer. Their signature corn country porn line is the Laura Fingers Wider series which includes “Little House in the Big Bush”, “By Shores of Cherrypopping Creek”, and “The Long Long Long Winter Guest”. The boxed set includes a really big and flexible silicon corncob for “wholesome maize loving”.
According to Secret Service travel logs, Vice President Spiro Agnew visited Corn Smut City! nine times between 1969 and 1972, spending between $1570 and $3500 on each trip.
Nine times seven is not 63. It is, in fact, 9, 999, 999 — but only if you do it right.
MIT’s Mathematics Department was temporarily shut down in April due to a sit in by students protesting the “Patriarchal Tyranny” of insisting that numbers should always yield the same result when multiplied. The students demanded that a “culturally sensitive” approach to math should be taken, that test answers should never be considered “wrong” but “a reflection the student’s personal experience”. The school administration then invited local loan sharks to debate with the students the relativity of sums in regards to debt owed to bookies, which they did with baseball bats and steel pipes.
Of course in debate the students were shown to be right. Math is purely conceptual and only exists through human understanding. Violent thugs aside, math is merely human description of reality. Yes, two and two is four, but only because from a human perspective two and two is just another way of understanding four, similar to ( but oddly not the same as) three plus one. But the realization of math as a human descriptive necessitates a human describer. In other words: what is, is. But *what we see *is what we get.
“It is what it is” was first postulated by Phartuccio the Lesser, a Roman bus boy working in Caesar’s Pizza Palace who was discovered to have six fingers on each hand and an IQ of 242.
Phartuccio the Lesser would be burned at the stake because anyone with six fingers on each hand who postulated such gibberish had to be in league with the devil.
The devil’s league is thought to be the top of the pyramid for professional bowling. But once you win that championship, you are entered into the secret Cthulu League. No one has ever returned from that competition alive or sane.
The world’s longest bowling lane is at Bean’s Budget Bowl-a-Rama in Blownox, PA. The lane runs over 840 feet and is two yards across at its widest point. But the pins are really big.