Blawnox crime boss Giusseppe “Joey K-Cups” Barista was born Buddy Joe junior Hicks in Missississippi City, Wisconsin and turned to crime after his trained otter act didn’t work out.
Dr. Ulysses P. MacPhartucchio, Jr., has devoted his life to teaching otters how to perform brain surgery. Even though he was thrown bodily out of the AMA, impaled with spears by PETA, and talked to sternly by Michelle Obama, he continues forcing forceps onto watery mammals.
Dr. Ulysses P. MacPhartucchio, Jr. was, in June 1977, specifically ordered by the Pennsylvania Board of Veterinary Certification and Animal Welfare to stop removing the spleens of unanaesthetized Lombardy Pudding Elk.
The spleen is the oldest of all human organs, dating back to nearly 4500 BC. Next oldest is the heart, which is believed to have developed some 600 years later, about the same time as the left kidney and well before the common lymph node.
The latest in human organs is the wapitta, which so far occurs in only one out of one-hundred-fifty-seven births. Scientists disagree as to the origin of the wapitta, which is more commonly found in the Philippines, Uganda, Liberia, Hawaii, Panama, Scotland and Greenland than anywhere else. Prof. Ulysses A. MacPhartucchio, sitting Dean of the Lombardy University Chair for Unnecessary Sciences, thinks it has something to do changes in global warming. Prof. Orson Bean, jumping-up-and-down Dean of the New Arizona College of Industrial Processes and Development in Cattle, asserts that this is balderdash, but admits it is, at least, fresh balderdash, and posits the wapitta’s use as a secondary, internal umbrella.
It is suspected that the yogis in Nepal have highly-developed wapittas which, when unfurled through intense concentration, allow the yogis to levitate for up to 42 seconds.
The recorded levitation record is said to be held by Yogi “Bear” Bearjellystone at 42 hours, but some people insist this is a boo-boo.
Yogi Bear has been re-located to remote areas of the park many times and will be put down the next time he steals a camper’s pic-a-nic basket. Or mauls them to death.
It has been stated “No translator would ever enter “pic-a-nic” as a proper English word. It is a slangy idiom, not considered standard English.”
Famous Blawnox lawyer Peg Gourds rarely works out of her office. Instead she often takes her clients out on picnics during the day and even took her client Chuck Pumpkins on one that lasted several hours. Folks speculate that there may have been some hanky panky at the picky-nicky but those rumors remain unconfirmed.
In a five-page interview in the June 1977 issue of Pennsylvania Trial Lawyer, Atty. Peg Gourds blamed her 7-445 win-loss litigation record up to that point on an underdeveloped wapitta.
Margaret “Peg Gourds” Cialis-Schulz was Blawnox’s leading stay-at-home crime boss during the 1970s, controlling much of the illegal squash and zucchini traffic. When she choked to death on a radish muffin investigators found 32 undocumented workers chained in her garage who she had brought in to work in her various gourd patches. The workers all insisted that they were chained by choice because they felt safer that way.
A police investigator looking into the horrific conditions on the farm of Margaret “Peg Gourds” Cialis-Schulz reported discovering grotesque things in her giant walk-in squash freezer that “chilled me to the marrow.”
Margaret Cialis-Schultz’s son Gomer sold the grotesque things in the giant walk-in squash freezer to *Ripley’s Believe It or Not *for $8,000.42. Barnhamhock Bailey, Ripley’s Senior Museum Curator, stated “Best buy we ever made. Those things just get more and more grotesque every year without any kind of maintenance or preservation a’tall.”
The most grotesque of the things found in Margaret Cialis-Schulz’s giant walk-in squash freezer and sold to Ripley’s are not available for public view due to restraining orders from the FDA and the Vatican, but it is known that one has conjugal visitation rights twice yearly from Rob Schneider.
The fictional Dwayne Schneider is based on Rob Schneide, who was a janitor before he got his big break. And he was known to have conjugal visitation rights with Ann Romano, Katherine Romano, Julie & Barbara Cooper when they got to be 18, Francine Webster, Ginny Wroblick, and a lot of other female tenants. When asked how he could keep up (hee! hee!) such a busy schedule, he replied “I do it one day at a time.”
Although set in Indianapolis, the shooting for the series One Day At A Time was actually filmed in Muncie, Indiana, because of its lower tax benefits.
The idea of “one day at a time” is one great malicious falsehood. As anyone who with a chronometer and a basic understanding of longitudinal horology can attest, there are always two days going on at any one time, either yesterday and today, or today and tomorrow, depending on the time zone of the observer. The misconception of ODAAT is generally proposed by xenophobic soplisistic miscreants, whose fixation with the “now moment” over the “now process” is usually motivated by a desire to make money from the clock without actually being “on the clock.” Indeed, during the time it takes for the 24 hour daylight savings switchover, there are actually *three * days going on at the same time (however briefly)… but it is not going to be multi-day for you if you are too fixated on your own navel to notice.
::golf clap::
Do not forget to take into account that time keeps on slipping into the future. Interestingly enough, the bald eagle has acute hyper awareness of time and uses this ability to see yesterday/today and today/tomorrow when they hunt for food. They also use it for flying to the sea.