According to several scholars:
No peak is taller
than it is wide,
no summit is reached
ere first up the side.
For all of the places
and heights we might climb
the greatest by far
is the rim of the rhyme.
Others disagree.
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner was originally Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s tribute to the ship’s cook Elias Kooljay “Elk” Pudding. On those long sea voyages food would usually go bad, but Elk in his 40 years as a ship’s cook, had developed several secret recipes that would prevent food from rotting. Hence The Rime of the Ancient Marienater.
Marination of food was first practiced by the ancient Hittites, who are believed to have soaked auroch haunches in a mixture of water, beer, lemon juice, cloves, garlic, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme for up to three years before throwing the whole inedible mess out.
Simon & Garfunkel’s “Parsley Sage Rosemary & Thyme” was originally the list of the Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices. But they had to shorten it for radio play.
While Paul Simon was trying to write “Parsley Sage Rosemary & Thyme”, he would sit at his mother’s dinner table and mutter combinations of words, such as “baguettes, smelly cheese, garlic and olives”, or “dogs, cats, aardvarks and gnus”. It drove his parents crazy until the day when Simon’s mother dumped a pan of marinara sauce over his head, screaming “ENOUGH WITH THE MUMBLING, ALREADY!” As the sauce dripped down his face, Simon licked his lips and asked, “Hey, what’s in this?” The rest is history.
The Scarborough Fair from the original folk song was not held in Scarborough, and it was not a fair. The event occured every other October 22nd between years 1544 through 1968 in East Aston, Yorkshire— which is just down the road a bit from Scarborough. This gathering was an “emporium,” similar to a flea market. There were no rides, no cotton candy sales, no arcades and the parking was free, hence not a fair. There were cambric shirts early on, but they did not sell well and several vendors were left with unsold stock (that today brings in a lot of collector money on ebay). The tee shirts did all right though, especially the dark forest green ones.
Yorkshire’s sister city is Blawnox. Well, technically, it’s a half-sister twice removed, but nobody worries about that. Except, of course, Orson Bean.
O.J Simpson’s half-brother twice removed Bruce Simpson is now his half-sister twice removed Caitlyn Simpson.
Caitlyn Simpson’s twice-brother half-removed is a bloody mess of body parts. The pail of parts has blue painter’s tape on it with the name “rosebud” scrawled on it in black sharpy.
“Rosebud” was not finally selected as the last word of the dying tycoon in Orson Welles’s film classic Citizen Kane until two days before filming began. Early drafts of the screenplay went through such other options as “Gesundheit,” “Blawnox,” “Sherbet,” “Olé,” “Yikes,” “Tampon,” “Woof,” “Sheldon?,” “Splunge,” “Uh,” “Huh,” “Duh,” “Durr,” “Orson” and “Wainscoting.”
Johnny Danderdoffer opened the Blawnox Sherbet Shack and Wainscoting Emporium to mixed reviews. Customers enjoyed the frozen sorbets but also thought he should expand on the menu. Others looking for wood paneling for their homes thought the quality didn’t match the price though they also conceded that the sherbet available was very good.
Flavors available at the Blawnox Sherbet Shack and Wainscoting Emporium include orange, raspberry, blueberry, cherry, pine and oak.
The first job Orson Bean held was as a soda and paneling jerk at the Blawnox Sherbet Shack and Wainscoting Emporium. He was 15 years old and earned $1.42/hour but was fired for making untoward advances to the shop’s cashier, Ima Bettylou Minoricus.
When Ima Bettylou Minoricus was told to file a sexual harassment suit against Orson Bean, she replied “WTF is THAT?”.
Minoricus is Latin for aardvark.
Nobody has been able to figure out why the Latins even had a word for aardvark, as the animal has never existed in any country that spoke Latin. The most popular theory is that anyone who was a minoricus would be stupid enough to believe in an object that does not even exist.
“Existing” Is the only thing listed on Orson Bean’s resume.
That was on Orson Bean’s childhood enemy Josephus Daniels George Marshall John Quincy Adams “Fritz” Phartuccio-Schwarzenegger’s petulant satire of Bean’s resume. The Hollywood star’s actual resume includes three Oscars, two Grammys, a Nobel Peace Prize, and leading roles in over 300 movies, many of them box-office smashes.
3 of the smashed box offices are lovingly rendered in wax at Madame Tussaud’s House of Wax Smashed Boxes in Blownox
When Chuck Pumpkins was asked boxers or briefs, he replied: I only wear Smashed Boxes.