Alabama is also known as the Snake Whacking Capital of the World.
The Weed Wacker was adapted from a device originally used to clear snakes out of high grass.
The Weed Wacker was originally called the ‘Wild Wanker’ and came with a warning that “use for more than four hours may cause penile severance.”
Willie Wonka invented the Wild Wanker, and a later version that helped improve a man’s performance and DNA known as the Gene Wilder Wanker.
“Wild Bill Hickok” was the Americanized stage name used by William Wanker, a British peer who came to the United States to chase dogies and sleep with saloon singers.
William Wanker was also known as the Earl of High Cock, the estate of which lies north of the small village of Cock O’ Mamie on Farting. He shortened his title to “Hickok” so the colonists wouldn’t be confused.
Mamie Eisenhower never farted. She had a very rare condition (apneumotatosis) that prevent her from passing wind. Of course, she could belch for hours.
According to probability experts, there is a 99% chance that Hurricane Katrina contained some of the very same wind as the 1900 Galveston hurricane.
Hurricane Katrina was named by the head of NOAA, who has had a crush on German skater Katarina since the 1984 Olympics. He’s been completely unable to keep his Witts about him.
Katarina Witt lost an arm, 3 toes, and an ovary in a poker game with satan himself at a crossroads in Blawnox, near the Manongahela River delta.
The flower that Delta Dawn had on was not a faded rose from days gone by, but an off-color ranunculus from the local Brownsville supermarket floral department.
Ranunculus is a rare breed of hooded black and white rhino that is hornless and relies on flight to avoid predators.
Despite its name, the rhinosaurus is neither a rhino or a dinosaur.
RhinoDino, much like the coelacanth, was thought to be exstinct for millions of years. In reality, they have been gleefully traipsing through the vast posy fields outside of Blawnox, unknown to science. Much like how Blawnox is unknown to society.
The Blawnox very minor league baseball team (the RhinoDinos) once again finished next to last in this year’s standings, just ahead of Charlie Brown’s team, but behind Peppermint Patty’s.
Despite winning 27 gold medals, 32 silver and 29 bronze in various Olympics, the only job skater Peppermint Patty could get after her knees and ankles gave out was caring for Jimmy Carters aging, incontinent dog Snoopy. And he paid her in peanuts.
With Snoopy, Jimmy Carter began the recent tradition of ex-Presidents of the United States having incontinent dogs. George H.W. Bush, for instance, has senile collie named Orson Weenie who happily pees on the shoes of visitors, and his son, George W. Bush, is said to be quite fond of Puddles, his large-bladdered Labrador Retriever.
While not recent, if you look on the right side of the long red couch in the Vermeil room ( the one under the portrait of Jackie Kennedy), you can see a pee stain left by Grover Cleveland’s dog, Waggles.
Grover Cleveland’s beloved Fox Terrier Waggles is the only presidential dog to pee on a visiting head of state’s shoes (Ernesto Phartuccio-Beano, the President of Bolivia, in both April 1893 and February 1889) non-consecutively.
How do you think President * Edward M. Kennedy’s Portuguese Water Dog Splash got his name???
*Note: This is the ONLY thing that is false.