Jenny McCarthy’s latest scholarly book Computer Cell Phone Cancer Contracts. It must be valid, as she has earned a Google Ph.D. on the subject.
Sure, the government shuts down ITT Technical Institute but do they go after Google University? Of course not. And just look at the classes GU has: Rule 34 101, Internet and Sarcasm, Advanced Art of Trolling, Trukk not Munky 202.
The government, in 2014, also shut down online *Lionel University * because its so-called instructors did not have the proper training.
Blawnox University Online had 8,000,004 students at its height. It’s most popular majors were Veterinary Assisting Appreciation, State Quarter Collecting, Beaver Dam Repair Assisting, Medical Marijuana Appreciation, and Paradentistry (dentistry that doesn’t need a license, just a pair of pliars and medical marijuana).
The Blawnox English Dictionary (BED) gives “pair of pliers” as the definition of “Philipine Air Force”.
According to the Bureau of Fictional Statistics, the Blawnox English Dictionary is cited twice as often as the Pittsburgh, Erie, Scranton & Philadelphia English Dictionary and more than five times as often as the Oxford English Dictionary by people living in Nairobi, Kenya.
*The Oxford Urdu Dictionary *has been voted “Least Popular Beach Read” for the past twenty-seven years straight by the people who vote for these kind of things.
Marlon Brando read from *The Oxford Urdu Dictionary *when auditioning for the part of Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire. The director was so impressed he changed the female character’s name from Bronwynn to Stella, which means “Scream my name, big fella” in Urdu.
Stella Beer, made in Cairo Egypt (true) is the official beer of Blawnox, “Cuz it’s chunky!” Drinking said beer has been known to cause severe vomiting by bystanders as far as two blocks away. Bartenders first apply coroner’s nose balm prior to opening each bottle.
Nestlé Chunky’s ingredients label has the word “sweepings” at the very bottom.
Nestlé collects its scrupulously-labeled sweepings from steel mills, greyhound kennels and low-end vomitoria throughout the Tri-State Area.
The Tri-State Area was formerly known as the Quadri-State Area, before the removal of the State of Denial. Today, denial is simply implied.
“Denial” is actually a river in Africa. It is a short (apprx. 100 mile) tributary of the Bongo, which is a tributary of the Congo. “Denial” means “Danger: crocodiles” in the local dialect.
The Bongo River is only slightly longer than the Denial. It is certified alligator-free by the Congolese government every three months, and is surprisingly popular with the German jet-skiing tourists who patronize the many strudel bakeries along its banks.
Congo alligator meat is extremely tough and chewy. To make it edible, top chefs recommend stewing for several hours in a crock pot.
Your basic alligator and your standard crocodile have 374 matching pairs of genes/chromosomes. These are known as the cayman denominator.
:: winces ::
The Ben Silver Co. of Charleston, S.C. offers Lombardy Pudding Elk (but not cayman) neckties in four different shades for the well-heeled gentleman of Blawnox and points beyond: No Search Results - The Ben Silver Collection
Ben Silver was the first Attorney General of South Carolina.
Past Attorneys General of South Carolina have included three Phartuccios, all unrelated to each other: Philemon Phartuccio (1823-25), Philander Phartuccio (1861-67), Philip Phartuccio (1912-15) and Philbert Phartuccio-Quigley (March 3-7, 2015).
Formerly an English surname, by 1820 every last Quigley in the British isles had emigrated (or been transported) to Australia. It was only after WW2 that Quigleys began to live in other parts of the English-speaking world again, and even today they find it mysteriously difficult to obtain visas to enter the UK.