Quigleys who have found refuge in the United Kingdom only after dropping their last names have included Stephen Hawking Quigley, Simon Cowell Quigley, Tony Blair Quigley, Gordon Ramsay Quigley and Queen Elizabeth II Quigley. A Quigley has not been elected to the House of Commons under that name since 1652; an Act of Parliament to fight anti-Quigley prejudice died in committee last year.
The House of Uncommons is located at 221C Baker Street. There’s one of the three confirmed world psychics on the ground floor; the Council of Rational People meet upstairs, and, in the cellar, we have the preserved corpse of the Elder God Cuchuthulhuhaha.
Gerry Rafferty actually got lost on Baker Street, trying to find a baguette.
Everyone is actually lost in space, but they just don’t know it, according to Howard R. Garish in *Uncle Wiggley Goes Swimming *(1919).
And, to make matters worse, they don’t know how fast they are going either.
When Howard R. Garis (sorry for the misprint above, due to lawsuits, all cell phones are required to misspell his name) wrote this quote in Uncle Wiggily’s Waterspout (1923) it was spoken by villain Bushy Bear during the height of the coastal storm, so there is no way to know if Garis was making an addenda to his previous commentary on the human condition, or merely allowing critical rebuttal to be weakened by offering it from a dubious source in Bushy Bear.
Bushy Bear’s descendants include Yogi Bear, Smoky the Bear, Bear Bryant and Gary Busey.
In Maggie Valley, NC (just south of the Smoky Mountains), there is a rental house called the “C’mon Inn,” which has a bear-themed decor: over the fireplace is a sign saying, “Smokey the Bear Slept Here.” If you want to catch a butt, you have to go out back, where the designated area has a sign saying, “Sleepy the Bear Smoked Here.”
And if you really want to catch a different type of butt, go out to the designated men’s room that has a sign saying “Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear Got Lucky Here.”
Some hunters prefer to track and slay cross-eyed bears, taking care to walk directly at them from the front in the final moments of the hunt, remaining in their blind spot until close enough to kill them with a harpoon, as Ernest Hemingway wrote about in his little-known The Cross-Eyed Bear of Blawnox.
Ernest Hemingway-Kingsley III, a remote descendant of the author, hunts big game animals (or their stuffed counterparts) at toy stories throughout the Atlantic seaboard. He’s been kicked out of more Toys R Us stores than anyone, and was once arrested for firing a double-barrel shotgun at close range at what he called “a herd of charging rhinos”. His life partner, Ethnon Blawnox III, has been ascribed with the onerous task of force-feeding him his daily medications.
When Blawnox’s favorite son John Jacob Jinglehimmer was passed over to be the first US President in favor of George Washington, he put a curse on the country saying the best years would be when a man with the initial “J” was President. The early Americans took this very seriously, and the next six Presidents were John Adams,Thomas * Jefferson*, * James* Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams ,and Andrew *Johnson *.
In time, however, this prediction got to be taken less seriously, and eventually got ridiculed and known as John Jacob Jinglehimmer’s Shit, and even became the basis for a (cleaned up) children’s song. Some people still believed it, the most famous being John Wilkes Booth, who shot Abramham Lincoln to make the new President Andrew Johnson.
And so, people. keep old John Jacob Jinglehimmer’s curse in mind in November, when you go to vote for Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton or Donald John Trump.
The curse was en vogue briefly in the 60’s due to JFK’s assassination putting LBJ in the White House.
En Vogue’s most recent hit, “I Do the Dip (When There’s Jizz on the Dance Floor),” sold 736 million copies and made enough money for the group to flee the country.
You cannot flee if you have already fled.
You cannot be missed if you never leave.
You cannot bleed if you’ve been bled
You cannot write what’s never read
Nor tie a knot, lest you have string
For there’s no summer, without a spring
– Alexander Pope (from The Odd Couplet Truisms, 1747, Random Shack Publishing)
Alexander Pope hated blood, reading, knots and summer. He loved snot, writing, knitting, and winter.
Alexander Pope loved filling out government forms because they asked for last name first, first name, and he could then enter Pope, Alexander. He would often leave out the comma and then giggle like a madman as he handed in the form.
Alexander Pope was never the supreme pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church, but there have been eleven popes named Alexander, the most recent of which served for just one day, March 3, 1415, before abdicating to become a Lombardy Pudding Elk herder.