Alexander Pope once met Pope Alexander. They both got to giggling like school girls over their names… They would later write to each other and describe their knitting projects over the long winter. And trade recipes using Lombardy Pudding Elk snot.
Alexander the Great lost only one battle in his life but that one was decisive. It was with the Teamsters Union of Lesbos and afterward you were forbidden to mention Lesbian Teamsters, toolbelts, or plaid shirts in his presence.
Alexander the Pretty Good won many of his battles and conquered a territory or two before quietly retiring with his garden.
Alexander the Marginally Fine always listened to the voices in his head when they told him to slow down on the Bell curve.
Alexander the Wanker lived in his mother’s basement from 1651 to 1702, only leaving to visit the nearby Olde Markett to purchase ye cheese puffes. He was addicted to the earliest version of Dungeons and Dragons called Celts & Picts.
Alexander the Pathetic Loser (1415-1437) did nothing whatsoever of note and only successfully committed suicide on his seventh try.
Alexandra the Wanton spent decades writing and drawing pornography with invisible ink on the scrolls in the Library of Alexandria. When this was discovered, an attempt was made to check the scrolls by heating them to reveal the ink; but this unfortunately led to a conflagration that destroyed most of the library.
Alexandra the Wantin’ drove everyone crazy with her requests for “good stuff”. She wrote the popular novelty song “Gimme Dat Ding”.
Alexandra Dumbcunt called herself “Sandy Dee” and wrote a song about virginity, abstinence, clean living, and avoiding all the evils of life.
It failed miserably, and Sandy Dee died young by drowning, because the lifeguard, later identified as Danny Zucko, was too drunk, high, and busy getting a blow job to notice her distress.
Distress is Spanish for “my gown right here that I am wearing now on my body”.
Spanish peanuts are only USDA-approved if they have the word “Sí” printed on each kernel.
Confucius invented popcorn. He called them “kernels of wisdom”.
Confucius also invented juggling, wrote the first poem in iambic pentameter, selectively bred the first Lombardy Pudding Elk and was a skilled snooker player.
Confucius was also involved in the first juggling-related murder-suicide.
Annette Funicello and Dolly Parton are both known to be top-rated jugglers.
Dolly Parton is especially known for juggling her jugs.
The best-selling album Trio, featuring Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris, is being re-released as Quartet, with the digitally included musical talents of Ke$ha.
Dolly Parton has run for President six times as the candidate of the Lombardy Pudding Elk Party, most recently in 2000, but has never yet won. Her running mates have included Orson Bean, Jimmy Smits, Bill Gates, RuPaul, Cher, Charo and Ke$ha.
Ke$ha’s given name, at birth, was Ke¢ha.
Ke$ha’s brother €arl, sister Jenn¥ and cousin E££aine are all working on forming a super group of their musical genius. Rumor has it that their Uncle ₱ete will engineer the upcoming album.