Sgt. York also murdered 5 4th graders whole kept taunting him by calling him Sgt. Dork. He used a ball been hammer to crack their heads open before feasting upon the goo inside. When the police showed up, he claimed he felt a cool breeze like he was on a mountaintop.
:: * Yeah, I should’ve gone with Sgt. I don’t know what I was thinking, spelling it Sargent. Possibly LACK OF CHOCOLATE in the house and wanting a York patty. 
* ::
Peppermint Patty would eventually marry Sgt. Cornelius York and have 14 daughters (they kept trying for a son), including Pat, who would marry a Orson Bean Patty and their first son would be named York Peppermint Patty.
York Peppermint Patty successfully defended a lawsuit claiming that the name “York Pepper Mint Patty” had been in the public domain for centuries as the name of a medieval dish traditionally eaten by the city burghers every Lughnasadh. York’s counter-suit won a payment of 120,000,000,000 Cornish Farthings (£127 5s 2p), which he used to buy a front-page ad in the York Daily Record that said “Y.P.P.? Why Not?”
York Peppermint Patties are all made in York, Pa., but New York Peppermint Patties are made in Providence, R.I. You got a problem widdat?
York, PA’s leading manufactured goods are Harley-Davidsons and anti-Gettysburg propaganda, including the bestselling “Hey Gettysburg, why’dontcha suck this?” T-shirts, the “Do what Lee should a done and burn Gettysburg!” barbecue grills, and the “We got Harleys, you got a bunch of dead Civil War guys, EFF U Gettsburg!” Onesies. To date more people have died in the Gettysburg/York high school football rivalry than died in the battle of Gettysburg.
The Gettysburg Yetis and the York Dorks are the only two high schools in the country who play in the “M” league. Once a year there is an exhibition game between the Dorks and Boy Scout Troop 73. The troop has yet to deliver a score less than 230 points, and the Dorks have never topped 12. The Yetis sit on the sidelines and occasionally fill in as cheerleaders.
Yeti Dork started with York Peppermint Patty in a series of porn flicks about Boy Scout Troop 73.
Oh Henry was very upset when he found out that Peppermint Patty was dating Baby Ruth.
The super couple dubbed “Pepperuth” by the tabloids ended very quickly. He called her cold as a mountaintop, and she called him nuts.
Peppermint Patty created a painting of a a Chief Crazy Horse sitting on a buffalo watching some birds eat berries off a holly bush.
A Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fan paid $7,000,000 for it. (If you can figure out why, you are a child of the 60’s)
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young is the only musical group named after all five of its members never to have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
The opening of the* Rock and Roll Hall of Good Musicians but Yet They Didn’t Become Famous* is planned to open just as soon as they can figure out how to build a five hundred fifty mile long hall.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Good Musicians but Yet They Didn’t Become Famous’s inaugural inductees are already lined up and the list includes popular bands Louie Hewis and the Views, Van Haven, and the Jimi Henderson Experience, country crooners Maple Range Boys, and early rocker Holly Buddy. All acts are willing to perform at the festival with the exception of Holly Buddy, who said he couldn’t get time off from work for it.
Holly Buddy’s claim to fame is that he survived a plane trip from Hoboken to Schenectady. Also on board with him were Large Tango and Valerio Ritchie. In later years the non-incident would be recalled by the trio’s friend Cain MacDonald, who wrote a song called “Hi, Hi American Pot Pie”.
73.4% of people that take the Hoboken to Schenectady flight wish they hadn’t survived the trip.
One of the Jimi Henderson Experience’s iconic performances was at the Lumbersoup Festival in Schenectady, NY. It is well remembered for being the place where Henderson froze his guitar in a block of ice as part of his encore. The crowd cheered loudly during the act but eventually grew listless as they waited for the ice to freeze.
Jimi Henderson is currently working on plans for a reverse microwave, that will make things freeze in an instant.
Perhaps the least-known and least successful band in modern history was the Beagles, featuring Jim Lemon, Saul McCarthy, Jorge Harriston and Bingo Stark. Their ill-fated decision to leave a promising career in the United States and move to Liverpool led to their spending the rest of their careers in obscurity playing in local clubs. Their vanity-produced records had to disposed of as refuse, effectively giving them a negative collectors value.
The Beagles record company, Crapple, release such albums as Rubber Bowl, Assistance!, and Leave it Alone.