All extensively covered by the Beagles, who stopped writing original songs in 1961 saying “everything anyone would like has been written already”.
Chuck Pumpkins is current working on a jukebox musical called “You’re a Good Group, Beagle Babes.” Hopefully, it will hit Broadway and the West End in 2020.
The Chuck Pumpkins fan group the Beagle Babes often show up at hotels when he is traveling, frequently wearing their trademark “sexy dog” outfits, which makes things pretty much uncomfortable for everyone all around.
The Beagle Babes go by the names Andy, Belle, Marbles, Olaf, Snoopy, and Spike.
Peanuts began as a much darker comic strip in which Lucy and Linus were abandoned at a Stuckeys by their heroin addict parents (Hi and Lois) and Charlie Brown had to shoot his beloved but rabid dog Mangy Dick. Lucy and Linus got adopted and Snoopy came along only after the show decided to go for a more family friendly audience in order to sell more merchandise as Mangy Dick Frothing Bath Foam just stayed on store shelves.
Dick Frothing (aka Mangy Dick) was given his nickname by his ex-girlfriend Lucy Stuckey after their first romantic encounter. Oddly enough, Mangy Dick never cared for the sobriquet and it eventually led to their breakup. Years later Mangy was inspired by Lucy’s habit of eating circus peanuts while taking a bubble bath to invent a marshmallow-based orange bath foam that made him millions.
Too late to edit: Occasionally Lucy would drop a peanut into the bathwater and it would dissolve, turning the water and bubbles a lovely shade of orange.
Orange Bubbles was a very successful pop group in the 1960’s, led by Beverly “Bubbles” Stills before she went into opera.
“Bubbles” Stills got her unfortunate nickname after she incorrectly fixed a heroin shot for her ex boyfriend, killing him with an embolism.
Heroin was one of the original ingredients in Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. John Harvey Kellogg included it in his recipe after years of administering heroin enemas to the patients at the Battle Creek Sanitarium and observing its calming effects.
Under Michigan law, Battle Creek is required to maintain a population smaller than War Creek but larger than Skirmish Creek.
Under Michigan law, every baby born is required to have a middle name of Battle, War or Skirmish. The three groups have formed xenophobic groups, and have deadly incidents with each other.
Xenophobia is commonly found in Texas horned frogs, Croatian step-dancers, Lombardy Pudding Elk hunters and orange presidential candidates.
Ben and Jerry’s new flavor Orange Presidential Candidate was just recalled. Evidently it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
Ben and Jerry are hoping to replace Orange Presidential Candidate after the election with Orange You Glad It’s Not Fucking Trump?
A similar Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, but with tiny, tiny, really tiny nuts added, with be glad Orange You Glad You Are Not Fucking Trump.
#NotFuckingTrump is trending on Twitter right now.
The average Twitter user wakes up three times a night to tweet. The three most common overnight topics are workplace nudity, sudden falls and teeth falling out.
Chuck Pumpkins’ son Huck was in an unusual accident at work. A coworker showed up at the plant naked which distracted Huck, causing him to suddenly fall into a vat of chemicals which caused several of his teeth to fall out. His workers comp claim is still in litigation now.
In 1956 Chuck Pumpkins, Cheeseburger Entwhistle, Dick Frothing and Pat Paulsen formed an a cappella group called The Fighting Ignorants in Blawnox PA. Their string of hits included I Fell In A Vat Of Chemicals, Workplace Nudity, Tweeting at Night* and My Teeth Fell Out.
*The Smothers Brothers changed a few of Paulsen’s lyrics when they recorded the song.