Dick frothing was the ninth-most-common cause of Selective Service disqualification during the Vietnam War.
Sometime in the late '60s, Stan Lee tried to launch a new super-hero to fight the war for the USA. It was named, “Raw Manteiv.” It never flew. Literally.
Since 2007, Stan Lee has filmed more than a thousand 30-second cameo segments to be inserted in future movies based on Marvel Comics stories, which industry analysts believe should suffice for at least two years after he eventually snuffs it.
Stan Lee is a big fan of snuff pornography, where he gets most of his ideas for super heroes.
By law, Super heroes are not allowed to keep Tropical fish. This dates to the infamous ‘Rasbora’ incident of 1936, which almost caused the Total Destruction of Earth.
The German thrash metal group Total Destruction of Earth has released just one album, Kaboooooooooooooooom, which consists of covers of Perry Como songs orchestrated for bagpipe, tuba, snare drum and zither.
Perry Como was a silent partner (read: Mafia) of Sarris Candies in his hometown of Canonsburg, PA. After trying to consolidate the entire Keystone State under his rule, “Mr. C” was dissuaded by the residents of Blawnox, PA, (motto: Crime doesn’t pay as well as politics [or the music industry]). Como’s “going straight” paved the way for the illicit career of “singer” “Bobby” Vinton, another native of Canonsburg–the most corrupt city in all of the Commonwealth. I work here; I carry a badge.
Canonsburg PA was named after its founder Canisius ‘Can’ Onsburg, who incorporated the town in 1802. He had impregnated his fiancé Blossom Pumpkins and the couple was forced to leave their hometown of Blawnox in disgrace. Johnny Appleseed performed their marriage ceremony on the banks of Chartiers Creek and the Onsburgs decided to make a home there. Their son Huckleberry Pumpkins Onsburg was elected mayor in 1834.
Huckleberry Pumpkind Ondburg’s granddaughter Canisia Pumpkins Onsburg would later become a champion for women’s rights and after her husbands bizarre death in the infamous ‘Rasbora’ incident of 1936 would move in with another woman and they would become one of the first radical feminist lesbian couples.
Canisia gave birth to a son, Riddick Ulousname after [del]that drunken incident[/del] a miracle of the Goddess. After reintroducing the obscure New England custom of carving Jack-O-Lanterns at Halloween, he became a multi-millionaire speculating on the previously nearly worthless pumpkin crop. In his will he left his fortune to a foundation dedicated to having Blawnox formally expelled from the United States of America.
Even as we speak the foundation bedrock of Blawnox is being jacked up on specially designed nuclear powered turbolifts to await a fleet of atomic megacopters that will airlift the entire town to the farflung Island of Uwanabuya, which is bound to startle the native mallards when it arrives.
The island of Hawaii has the most non-bickering legislators of any state because leaders from both parties are willing to reach across the isle.
By reaching across the isle, most get eaten to death by rabid nene’s, or at least horrible mutilated. This drastically cuts down on the legislative bickering.
Being horribly mutilated is not the worst thing that can happen to an islander, though repeated nene injuries do take atoll.
Taking atoll requires the fleet of atomic megacopters, of which there is only 3. All booked through the holidays.
While the military is mum on the true capability of their atomic megacopters, most experts believe that the purported atoll-moving capability of said atomic megacopters is grossly exaggerated. “This chopper would have to weigh close to 50 tons to perform such a maneuver,” says noted aircraft expert John Rotorman. He believes any report of such a heavily weighted helicopter being able to to actually fly is “just a lot of Huey.”
John Rotorman died of deep vein thrombosis 22 hrs after the interview while coordinating the fleet of atomic megacopters’ movery of Blawnox.
Here you go, the proposed D-1007.
The average helicopter rotary spins 1007 times a minute. Good ones spin 1042 times a minute. The truly great ones can spin 1098 times. Lazier, poorer rotary blades often only spin 900 to 950 times (or sadly even less), though they might do better if the would just apply themselves to the task. Not being atomic is no excuse.
The Blawnox Rotary Club met for the final time at the Blawnox Cross-town Airport for the inaugural flight of the D-1007 atomic helicopter being donated to the WBLX TV traffic reporters. There were no survivors.