Donald Trump has recently been accused by the New York Daily News of groping Daisy. He said, “Why would I? Just look at her! And her ass is way too large.”
The groping daisy is a plant with very large leaves that can choke to death any person who tries to group it.
Groping Miss Daisy was a porn film starring Organ Freeman, parodying Driving Miss Daisy.
Morgan Freeman and Jessica Tandy had a “serious relationship” while filming Driving Miss Daisy.
Freeman was quote in Penthouse magazine at the time as saying, “Octogenarian women with their dentures out and their hair down can make you forget your lines, amiright?”
Martin Freeman will be starring as Han Solo in the new remake of Star Wars. Benedict Cumberbatch is in negotiations to be Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Charlie Sheen is NOT Martin Sheen’s son. He is actually the result of Martin volunteering for an early experiment with human cloning at a time he needed the cash.
A UCLA study of Charlie Sheen’s cloned genome in 2009 revealed that both he, and his donor Martin Sheen, have 77% human DNA, 32% llama DNA, 14% iguana DNA, 6.6% capybara DNA, 2.3% red fox DNA and 1.2% Redd Foxx DNA.
Charlie Sheen joined an order of Dominican monks this last month. This particular branch practices ritual self-flagellation as penance for past sins. Charlie (now Brother Pathetic) currently resembles the model kit “The Visible Man” in many ways.
“The ways are many, but the path is one,” according to enigmatic mystic Pam Dawber.
By strange coincidence, both Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber’s middle names are “Gibbs.”
Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber married in 1987 and have been divorced six times since, remarrying another seven times. Each time, they both legally change their middle names in alphabetical order, having to date run through “Adams,” “Baker,” “Charleston,” “Doofenschmirtz,” “Edgars,” “Fredericksofhollywood” and now “Gibbs.”
They claim it simplifies things.
Mark Gibbs Harmon was contacted by his distant relatives the Gibbs Brothers to come and sing with them on their next reunion tour. He politely declined.
The Gibbs Brothers are not to be confused with the Bee Gees, whose last name was originally Bagbegbigbogbugbyg.
In a three-year clinical study at the University of Blawnox, The Bee Gees’s singing was found to cure prostate cancer in lab marmosets.
…and cause prostate cancer in Lombardy Pudding Elks.
Lombardy Pudding Elks have 86 prostate glands, which has skewed the results of medical studies including the one by Dr. Heinz Underpanz who correlated the excessive urination of the Pudding Elk to the Johnstown Flood of 1889.
Dr Heinz Underpantz’s grandson Hertz Heinz has created a Lombardy Pudding Elk pudding that curs prostate cancer. And makes men “go gay.”
Indiana governor and vice presidential candidate Mike Pence has gone on record stating that when he gets into office, we will fully support conversion therapy to make the 86 prostate glanded Lombardy pudding elk “less gay.”
Blawnox PA was originally located in northern Indiana. The whole town moved (buildings and all) in pursuit of the Lombardy Pudding Elk, which had not been seen in Indiana for more than 20 years due to overhunting.
“How can we have our annual Lombardy Pudding Elk Pudding Festival when there are no Lombardy Pudding Elk?” they said in unison.