Subway has just introduced a sandwich called The Yellow Submarine: Chicken, lemon, saffron rice, yellow tomatoes, and corn with mayo dressing on a egg bread roll.
The Yellow Submarine Sandwich was an instant hit and sales boomed until it was discovered what was actually in the “mayo dressing”. The whole idea had to be torpedoed.
The Yellow Torpedo was an evil Asian sorceror who battled Captain Mongoose in Variety Fun Comics in 1946 and 1947. The Torp was eventually revealed to actually be a little old lady from Schenectady, who stuttered.
Orson Bean played The Torp in the 1977 Paramount Pictures film version of Captain Mongoose vs. The World Crime League. He wore heavy makeup and a long, fake Fu Manchu mustache and, at the insistence of director Warren Beatty, stuttered, lisped, occasionally hiccuped, as well as affecting a thick Chinese accent. Roger Ebert called his performance “the worst portrayal of an Asian man by a Caucasian actor since, God help us, Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and that’s saying something.”
The best deal on fake Fu Manchu mustaches can be found at the Blawnox Five and Dime but they aren’t kept on the shelves. You must request them from the manager and you’re only allowed to purchase one per person. Puck Chumpkins, the manager, reports “You wouldn’t believe the number of people who come right back to the Five and Dime wearing the mustache as a disguise and try to buy another.”
Puck Chumpkins looks exactly like Chuck Pumpkins, except for the moustache.
The Blawnox hockey team, the Robin Goodfellows, have a hockey puck that was enchanted by Titania herself. Anyone on the opposing team who earns a penalty against the Goodfellows will find that he’s made an ass of himself.
Making An Ass Of Yourself (MAAOY) is an annual contest in Blawnox. The winner gets a fake Fu Manchu moustache, an enchanted hockey puck and a lifetime supply of Lombardy Pudding Elk and Lombardy Elk Pudding. This year’s predicted winner is Donald Trumpet.
:: Shakespearean rimshot ::
In play:
The emergency kit kept in the trunk of Blawnox Police Department cruiser #988 includes one fake Fu Manchu moustache, two tampons, three fountain pens, four Band-aids, five dog biscuits and 43 Krugerrands. No one knows why.
Chuck Pumpkins once sang The 43 Days of Blawnox Christmas at a talent show. He was booed, had various items from the song thrown at him by the cops, and spent the 12 days of Christmas recuperating in the mental health wing of the Blawnox Hospital. Thw video was banned by youtube.
The really original-original 12 Days of Christmas were Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, Groundhog Day and Gluttony Week.
Gluttony Week is anxiously awaited by the extreme wealthy and praised as the one time in the year where they really get a chance to eat a lot of obscure and overpriced foods.
There was an attempt to film a sequel to Groundhog Day called Gluttony Week. However, Bill Murray could not stomach the obscure and overpriced foods, including groundhog in a pumpkin shell.
Groundhog in a Pumpkin Shell is a seasonal offering at the ultra-swank Plutocracy restaurant at Trump Tower in New York City. Depending on groundhog availability, the dish costs between $50 and $17,566,000.32.
Ground hog is the main ingredient in pork burgers.
Pork Burgers became Blawnox’s Chief Park Ranger when he retired from his career as a porn star.
After his career in porn but before becoming a Park Ranger, Pork Burgers had a brief stint as a mad supervillain. He’d planned to dominate the world using an 800-foot long penis-shaped airship, but it deflated when the rubber broke.
When Pork Burgers heard about the recent events surrounding Vice President-elect Mike Pence, he made the statement: A Hamilton show is no place for fighting with the Vice President of the United States!
The Hamilton merchandising juggernaut shows no sign of slowing down. Coming soon: Hamilton contraceptive sponges, Hamilton beach towels, Hamilton Band-Aids, Hamilton dog biscuits and Hamilton his-and-hers dueling pistols.
The cast of Hamilton remade Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas” proving definitively that song cannot be salvaged.