According to advice columnist Emily Post, you should never serve eggs at any festive gathering. Because after that the party’s ova.
According to celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, you never should have more than one egg at a time when dining at a French restaurant, because one egg is “un oeuf”.
Anthony once taught his cockney assistant proper English by having her recite the phrase “The rain on Bourdain falls mainly on his mane.”
Acid Rain was a short lived 1960s group comprised of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and former president Harry S Truman (“the S stands for ‘Soul’, man!”). They were slotted to play Woodstock but broke up due to the revelation of Bing Crosby’s affair with Bess Truman, which caused Bing to leave Stills and Truman by the side of the road and take the 1932 Nash 980 with him. Bass guitarist Emilio “Willie Hog” Stills (1874-1991) did perform at Woodstock anyway, though he went to the one in Vermont by mistake.
Ben & Jerry of ice cream fame tried to get a Woodstock going at their main location, but no bands and no audiences showed up.
Ben Stiller and Jerry Seinfeld tried to launch an ice cream business in 2003, but could find no buyers for their flagship flavors, Humorless and Washed Up.
The “Washed Up” flavor was somewhat reminiscent of week-old driftwood, using peanut brittle bits in a rather gritty butter pecan base, with off-brand M&M’s added. Then they bleached out all the color, leaving it a pale grayish beige. What’s not to love?
Pale grayish beige was the color of Orsan Bean’s hamster. And week-old driftwood was its favorite food.
Pale grayish beige is going to be a perfect description of Donald Trump’s presidency.
Pale grayish beige aliens prefer to be called Cis-Grays when they are doing alien abductions, though they can be versatile when it’s their off-time.
Pale grayish beige aliens, according to the Air Force’s secretly-continued Project Blue Book, always avoid Area 51 in Nevada, preferring Studio 54 in New York City instead.
Studios 1 through 53 all ended when the nightclub condensed into a bit of matter the size of a tennis ball but the weight of a 747. Those tennis ball sized blobs of matter are currently housed in Central Park where they’re identified as Jonathan Adler sculptures, but they shake violently when played 70s Funk.
Studio 55 exclusively catered to people who were visiting New York while on Rumspringa. It didn’t last very long but they had the best churned butter in the city.
The largest butter churn in New York City is located in the sub-basement of the Statue of Liberty. It stands 7 feet high, and is labeled with a bronze plaque that also quotes the part of EmmaLou Lazarus’s poem where she refers to “the huddled masses churning to be free.”
It takes exactly 7,777,777.3 churns to be free. Scientific fact.
In their latest census, only 7,777,777.3 Australian’s considered themselves as being STD free. 0.7 Australian’s were confused by the definition of “STD” and “person in your household”.
Governmental agents have determined that 7.7777777773% of the census returns responding to “persons in your household” are actually talking about their pets. In order of preference, their dog/cat/fish/gerbil/ferret/pig/gecko/iguana/various other pets are “like a person to me.”
In addition, 3.3333333337% were referring to inanimate objects whic are “like a person to me.”
Brandon T. Phartucchio recently married his television set, stating that it was “like a whole buncha persons to me.” However, he has already been flirting with a newer HD flatscreen.
Since April 1977, Blawnox, Pa. has been served by three local TV stations - WLPE, “All Lombardy Pudding Elk, all the time”; WPPN, “The Phartuccio Phamily Network”; WOBF, “Orson Bean Fans unite!”; and WBPA, “Blawnoxian Public Access and so little more.”
All of the Blawnox TV stations refuse to play any reruns. They only report a news story once, when it is breaking, and go dark in the summer when reruns are being played.
The underground sex station WOBPPLPEXXX has the highest ratings, though it has only been showing videos of Orson Bean, various members of the Pharticcio Phamily, and Lombardy Pudding Elks in various sex acts.