The island of Kokomo, made famous in the Beach Boys song of the same name, is located 15 miles southwest of Cuba. Tourism is nearly non-existent, however, as the isle is plagued by pliocene rats, walking moss and the justifiably dreaded Kokomo Dragon Wasp.
The Kokomo Dragon Wasp is technically neither a dragon nor a wasp. Discuss.
Not a dragon is debatable. They are on occasion known to smoke like fish. Not a wasp has been long established. Kokomo Dragon Wasps are atheists.
Kokomo Dragon Wasps have been known to grow to a wingspan of over 20 feet and even carry off and prey on Lombardy Pudding Elk, whose hooves are considered a delicacy by the giant stinging insects.
They are also not thought to be Anglo-Saxon, though their place of origin has not been established, nor are they white, except for the rare Albin Kokomo Dragon Wasps, which are worshiped as gods among the Kokomo natives and the remaining Beach Boys.
Albin Dragon, brother of Darryl Dragon of Captain and Tennille fame, was half of the 70s group The Admiral and Genteel with his life partner Genteel, a dwarf Appaloosa gelding. Their hits included Muskrat Lust, Lust Will Keep Us Together, and You Better Sleep Around.
The cause of death listed by the Blawnox coroner’s office of Orsan Bean’s neice, Nina Bean, is “Muskrat Lust”
Nina Bean was once married to Baron Derren Souhpe, and she went by the stage name Nine Bean-Souhpe.
Baron Derren Souhpe has fathered children by the past nine First Ladies of the USA.
The Nine First Ladies was a baseball team in the fifties, led by Mamie Eisenhower as pitcher. Bess Truman played short stop and Eleanor Roosevelt was catcher.
Bess Truman briefly adopted her husband’s illegitimate son, Truman Capote, but ultimately traded him to a southbound carnival in exchange for some geranium seeds. His biological mother has never been conclusively identified, but he claimed that she was a 7 foot tall black lady with red hair and an actual sized tattoo of the Shroud of Turin on her front and back.
“Front and Back” by Grand Funk Railroad was slotted for inclusion on the gold record that went into space on the Voyager spacecraft, but lost out to “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones–a clandestine plot to get their entire catalogue of “music” off the planet. The bald lady was not impressed and Decker STILL couldn’t get any.
Grand Funk Railroad was scheduled to star in a Broadway revival of Starlight Express in the 2017-2018 season, but the producers could not find a company willing to give insurance to a bunch of aging rock stars on roller skates.
Roller skates were invented in the 30 Years war. It was surmised that troops wearing roller skates would be an ‘unstoppable’ force. Unfortunately, the Swedish ‘Roller-Warriors’ were defeated by the Polish ‘Pogo-Stick Grenadiers’ and so the idea was abandoned.
The original roller skates used full sized wagon wheels and required a large dog to pull the person. The Swedish Roller Skate Hound (RullskRidskohund) was the origin of the notion of dogs speaking with lots of Rs, such as Astro and Scooby Doo would later use.
The original dogs playing poker painting was commissioned in 1894 and used as an advertisement for Sparky’s Laudanum, a patent medicine tincture of opium sold as an antidiarrheal and cough suppressant.
Chuck Pumpkins has the largest collection dogs playing poker paintings in the world. At its last count, it was 1,742 and valued at $17.42.
Playing any card game with dogs is boring as all the cards are the same color. Plus, they cheat.
Most dogs prefer to play euchre, although the play of the bow-wower generally produces a howl of protest.
Canine whist champion, the Shih-Tzu/Bloodhound mix Phartuccio’s Darling Dixie Deluxe, was disqualified from the 2014 International Dog Card Olympics when it was revealed she was actually using hand signals from her master to cheat. Per the rules of International Dog Card Olympics, her owner, Phartuccio “Too Tall” Melman, was publicly called bad and neutered by a defrocked nun.