Israel’s airlines have no service to Paradise, Nevada. It may be Paradise, but it is not kosher.
For years Mayor McCheese and Chief of Police “Big” Mac had run McDonaldland as an empire of crime and vice, with scantily clad “burger” girls, narcotics as special toppings, and a multi-million dollar pull-tab gambling ring disguised as prizes for free food. Their iron rule was enforced by a feared psychopath known only as “The Clown”. After their syndicate was broken up by the FBI and DEA, former Mayor McCheese was sentenced under the RICO act to fifty years in a federal penitentiary, “Big” Mac turned state’s evidence and went into the witness protection program, and “The Clown” is believed to be somewhere in Columbia.
Columbia changed its name on Christmas Day from “Colombia,” hoping to rebrand itself, but its crime problem is so bad that President Ernesto Hugo Carlos Pablo Miguel Manuel Paco Jaime Lombardy Pudding Elk Quetzalcoatl Ortega-Phartuccio was mugged on Thursday during his State of This Fucked-Up Country Address.
Twice.
During his first State of This Fucked-Up Country Address, Donald Trump will tell every single other person in an elected or appointed political office in the entire fucked-up country YOU’RE FIRED!
Twice.
“You’re fired!” was the favorite saying of famed colonial witch hunter Famuel Faffoon, as he touched his torch to the pile of sticks under the poor unfortunates.
Famuel Faffoon was the noted author of the Malleuf Maleficarum, which not only told how to find a witch, but provided several tasty recipes.
Famuel’s son Vidal Faffoon was the third most famous Puritan hairdresser, responsible for the “Flock of Angels Swooping Downward from the Throne of Our Father to Gather Unto Us Goodness and Plenty and Righteousness that Shall Nourish Us As If From the Breasts of the Sacred Writings” hairstyle and the “Moses Parting the Red Sea” combination butt-cut and red dye job fad of the 1720s.
I believe you meant to say that he was a “hairdreffer” and that the do was “Flock of Angelf fwooping downward from the throne of our father to gather unto uf goodneff and plenty and righteoufneff that fhall nourif uf af if from the breasftf of the facred writingf”. It wouldn’t fit on his business card, so had to be changed to Puri-Fro.
Icelandic death-metal supergroup Flock of Angelf and the English new wave/synthpop group A Flock of Seagulls released just two albums together, Fmellf Like Teen Fpirit (1977), Fergeant Pepperf (1983) and White Ftuff on My Lapel (1984). Sales were abyfmal.
However, sales of A Flock of Feagullf “Fpanish Flea” broke all existing records, and producer Cameron McIntofh will be turning it into a Broadway and West End Musical next season.
Cameron McIntofh has produced such notable flops as Point Your Wagon, My Fair Laddy and the truly execrable Jefuf Chrift, Fuperftar, but has big hopes for this comeback fiafco.
Point Your Wagon, My Fair Laddy and the truly execrable Jefuf Chrift, Fuperftar were all accused of having 'homosexual subtexts." Which is odd, since Mcintofh’s heterosexual activities are legendary.
So what if the man talks with a lisp wears a kilt with nothing on underneath. He’s Fcottifh, For Heaven’f Fake (another one of his failed shows.)
One of the greatest movie flops in all of Hollywood history was the 1980 western Heaven’f Fake. Directed by Michael Cimino and starring Kris Kristopherson, John Hurt, Clara Peller, Nina Bean, and Johnny “Taint” Blawnox. The movie was so controversially bad that it pretty much ended the movie careers of Bean and Blawnox.
Johnny “Taint” Blawnox, longtime poolboy to even-more-famed Hollywood actor Orson Bean, is the great-great-great-grandson of Irving Spielberg Thalberg Gutenberg Wahlberg “Iceberg” Blawnox, founder of the legendary Pennsylvania small town.
A moose once bit his sister.
Moosebite Falls, Alaska has a companion-holiday to Groundhog Day: each year if the groundhog sees his shadow then the town’s monastery will be sacked and set on fire by the town’s Viking reenactors. In years when the groundhog does not see his shadow, the leader of the Viking reenactors will be ritually and hopefully symbolically sacrificed. This year the winners will also binge watch Young Pope while roasting groundhogs following the ceremony.
Finn Wolfhard of *Stranger Things * has been signed to appear in Youngest Pope, an Amazon original.
In order to cash in on “The Young Pope” popularity, Netflix has announced a new series called “Catholic is the New Baptist”.
…and the new SyFy original: Popenado and the Rabbi-O-The-Storm, starring Billy “Bang-Bang” Bodega as some dude.
The Popenado was John Paul I’s NASCAR vehicle, though he never had a chance to use it. John Paul the second did not have a NASCAR car, but he did hire actor William Daniels to do a KITT from Knight Rider voice for the Pope Mobile.