The Existence was the faster of Jean Paul Sartre’s two NAUSEACARs. As the slower car was The Essence, Sartre was often heard to comment during races between the two that “Existence precedes Essence”. After one occasion of taking the wheel of The Essence and losing to The Existence, the Frenchman was heard to mutter “Hell is turning left.”
Jean Paul Satre was actually the songwriting team of Lennon/McCartney and both Pope John Paul and Pope John Paul II. He faked his own death when someone in the Vatican recognized him.
Sartre opened the first Waffle House in Paris, though it was closed by the health inspector who cite The Flies and No Exit. (The health inspector was also a frustrated playwright and bitchy critic.) The specialty was Hasbrowns scattered, covered, meaningless, smothered, and futile.
Waffle Houses have proven surprisingly popular in Paris, and there are now an estimated 54,000 of them in the 7th Arrondissement alone. Hasbrowns, Blawnox Bacon and chicken-fried Lombardy Pudding Elk patties have been particularly big sellers.
French, who are notoriously short tempered with English speakers who don’t speak their language while in France, give a lot of leeway at the French Waffle Houses. They will even let you say “French for” while ordering food so you can order French for Belgian Waffles, French for English Muffins, and even French for Russian dressing on your French for French fries.
Belgian waffles and/or English muffins topped with ground groundhog, covered with Russian Dressing and served with a side of French fries is the traditional dish of Punxsutawney PA.
Groundhog Day was a successful ploy to keep non-Catholics from celebrating Candlemas. Another celebration of the infant Jesus so soon after Christmas was held by many business leaders (including J. P. Phartucchio) to be overly central to religious thought (non-materialistic and bad for sales), so they went with “hey, look a cute animal”.
And thus Youtube was born.
Paraguay, Uraguay, Melaguay, and Triniguay (the last two are disputed countries in a Uraguay WalMart parking lot) celebrate Capybara Day. It is similar to Groundhog Day, except it involves a convict being dragged through the village by four capybara. Which limb is torn off first predicts the upcoming rain cycles and cocaine harvest.
Wombat day in Australia was cancelled when a plague of rabid wombats killed and ate the prime minister on live television.
The programme, however, did produce enormous high ratings and was a trend leader on YouTube for over a month. The Canberra Comical Animation Studios have announced a Rabid Wombats animated series, which will appear on Nickelodeon in 2018. Mel Gibson has signed to voice Randy Wombat.
John Ross Bowie (best known as Barry Kripke) will voice Randy Wombat’s loveable sidekick, Wapid Wandy Wunning Winkadink Wombat.
In 1615, a randy wombat impregnated a drop bear. The resulting offspring was the first Tasmanian devil.
Randy the Wombat is a being outside time and space. Randy the Wombat is older than the Shame Orb, older than love, older than hate, older than hope. Randy the Wombat was old when civilization was new, old when humans huddled around rude fires, old when the first humans were born.
Randy the Wombat is watching.
…and he wants to nibble your toes.
The bestselling painting in Australia this week has been of Randy the Wombat doing rude and familiar things to Donald Trump. The Trump Foundation itself commissioned a 38 x 12 foot oil original for the ceiling of their charity’s Zumba Room.
Rumba Zoom is penning a children’s book of Randy the Wombat doing rude and family things to Donald Trump.
The children’s book “Donald T. Rump” is a story about a jackass who grows up thinking he is an Arabian stallion. The other horses laugh at his tiny hooves and his attempt to hide his long ears by swirling them around his head. He has the last laugh, however, when he makes the farm great again by kicking holes in the barn.
The children’s book Donald T. Rump has been banned in four countries: Botswana, Orsonbeanistan, Paraguay, Uraguay, Melaguay, and Triniguay.
Hillary Clinton’s It Takes A Villager has been #1 on Paraguay’s Best Seller list since it was first published in 1972.
Paraguay’s best selling newspaper is The Villager Voicer, first published in 1792.