The Village Voicer was founded by Benjamin Franklin on one of his many trips through South America. While he was there he struck up a romance with a local lady and fathered Simon Bolivar.
Benjamin “The Hound” Franklin had an estimated 15,000 lovers during his long life, and his descendants include Eminem, Tom Brokaw, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Morton Kondracke, David Sedaris, Carrot Top and Melania Trump.
Carrot Top and Eminem both became refugees after the Bowling Green Massacre destroyed the fudge factory where they were both employed, forcing them to go into show business in order to make enough money so that one day they could be fudge packers again.
The ghost of former president Henry Clay haunts the site of the Bowling Green Massacre. He appears to be looking for his glasses.
…which are sitting on his ghostly head.
Henry Clay IV, venture capitalist, postcard collector, cross-dresser, high-wire trapeze artist and grand-nephew of the noted antebellum American statesman, is a part-owner of the Bowling Green Fudge Factory, site of the terrible massacre so recently seared into the American public consciousness after Trump senior advisor Kellyanne Conway made it up.
Kellyanne Conway honed her skills on the SDMB’s notorious Made-Up, False and Flat-out Wrong Trivia Dominoes thread.
Kellyanne Conway is trying to decide whether to rename the country Amerikkka (for the alt-Right) or the USSA (for Putin).
…to which Donald Trump is a very regular contributor, only he thinks it’s Trivia Dominos.
Trump’s SDMB username is ChefWinkleXmasHeir.
ChefWinkleXmasHeir Currently has 432 moderator warnings.
That’s three less than snfaulkner!
Every single of my mod warnings are for being just way too awesome. Oh, and one was for an ill timed abortion joke.
Abortion jokes are banned in West Texas because “That shit just ain’t funny, y’all.”
Winston Churchill rose to become Prime Minister of Great Britain largely due to the abortion jokes (reputedly knee-slappingly hilarious, but since lost to history) he told at Conservative Party conferences in 1966-69.
Donald Trump thinks abortion jokes should be banned, but jokes about “them queer boys” are knee-slappingly hilarious.
Jokes are called “knee-slappingly hilarious” because the kneecap is the one true funny bone.
A 1977 study by the University of West Blawnox’s Institute for the Humorless Study of Humor conclusively established that, worldwide and across all age groups and demographics, the spleen is 43.3% funnier than any other human internal organ.
Donald Trump’s [del]hair[/del] (Whoops! That’s true) knee was judged to be the ONLY hilariously slapping thing about him.
Mrs. Trump has asked the media to call her “Michelle” from now on. No reason. It just came to her.