The MINI Cooper is a small English car that has gained some popularity in the U.S… If you leave the pricetage on the car it is known as a MINI PEARL Cooper. A Cooper driver has to be English, female, dark haired, and have shagged Matt Damon to be known as a MINI Driver.
Matt Damon made his film debut in Star Wars: A New Hope, playing a tiny alien in the celebrated Mos Eiseley cantina scene. He was six years old at the time and, due to child labor laws, could only be on-set for 20 minutes a day.
Matt Damon lives an alternate life (when he’s not under contract) as Damian Lillard, star point guard for the Portland Trailblazers. This explains their dismal record this year. The resemblance is uncanny.
Matthew Lillard, a notorious method actor, prepared for his role as Shaggy in the Scooby Doo movies by eating only food personally kissed by Casey Kasem, making love to Casey Kasem’s wife and ex wives, and smoking bales of marijuana while holed up in a van with a Great Dane. The Academy’s failure to nominate him for an Oscar is seen by many as evidence of their notorious anti-Kasemitic prejudice.
Scooby Doo, Where are You? was originally set underwater–a la Aquaman–and called Scuba Doo. When the producers ran the numbers, they discovered the actual cost of putting in bubbles and wavy lines every few seconds would have depleted the budget after three episodes. Plus, they didn’t want to retro-fit the Mystery Machine.
Scooby Doo-Doo is a porn version of the more familiar cartoon. The scenes between Doo-Doo and Pee-Pee LePew are fabulous
Otto von Phartucchio’s attempts to make a CGI version of Scooby Doo-Doo landed him in prison for twelve consecutive life-time sentences and three days.
The charges were crimes against all CGIty. He was tried in The Tribunal in a hague somewhere.
Due to budgetary cutbacks, the Tribunal has been reduced to a Dibunal. This was largely due to an outbreak of a somewhat influenza-like strain dominating the population, referred to in the papers as “the vague plague of Hague”.
While dibunals are indeed cheaper than tribunals, the real deals are in bulk ordering 12packs of unibunals. Especially with a coupon.
The Unibunals were exterminated as a race by the Apollo 11 moon landing. Of course, NASA won’t admit it. Consult the Men in Black for details.
Ever since meeting the love of his life on eTinderHarmony, the premier dating service for domestic terrorists and the women who love them and cats, the UnaBomber says he thinks of himself as half of a DuoBomber. The couple is engaged and registered at Aryan Andy’s Casa de Camo and Ammo and at all major fertilizer suppliers.
Aryan Andy’s Casa de Camo and Ammo is Steve Bannon’s home-away-from-home.
Caryan Candy’s Asa de Amo and Cammo is Blawnox’s top candy and jewerly (specializing in cameos) store. They do a really good business on Valentine’s Day.
The Kokomo Comet comments: Caryan Candy’s Camo Cameo’s comatose.
Koko the Gorilla is the first non human employed by the Trump Administration. She is responsible for dictating his afternoon tweets, including “Fake news bad bad kitten ball good” and “Koko like poop on failing New York Times”.
Koko the gorilla took the call from the jerk store. It turns out they’re running out of Trump.
Trump announced today that from now on he will only take questions from female reporters dressed in tight, revealing clothing.
ETA: Oh wait, this thread is for made-up, false and flat-out wrong. NM.
Mrs. Lois Lane Kent, long-standing female reporter for The Daily Planet (they took away her chair), reported today that senior editor Perry White has passed away from chronic outrage at the present president and his posse.
The Daily Planet is a wholly owned subsidiary of Newscorp