Ms. Kent’s husband, Clark, attempted to start his own street roots newspaper after he was fired from his first job for exposing himself to female staff. “As God is my witness, I thought I was changing at super speed,” Kent responded in the ensuing lawsuit. However, since nobody knew he was secretly Superman, his statement was disregarded as the ravings of a lunatic. The paper was called “The Daily Planetoid”, which was sued out of existence for copyright infringement. A second attempt, called “The Daily Meteorite” folded after one issue.
A Clark bar is 15% chocolate (-like substance), 18% peanut butter and 67% sawdust.
And Kent cigarettes contain anomalously high levels of Krypton.
If one eats a Clark bar while simultaneously smoking a Kent cigarette, one becomes a mild mannered reporter. With a penchant for doing weird things in phone booths.
If one consumes Bare Naked granola while smoking a Benson & Hedges, one becomes a nude butler perched on a bush. With a penchant for trimming dysfunctional topiaries.
A penchant shared by both Mr. Benson French and Mr. Hedges Belvedere.
FBI chief Jay Edgar Hoover suspected Benson star Robert Guillaume as a suspect in the deaths of Bobby Kennedy and of Malcolm X because he had ties to both L.A. and NYC and was a black male, but he then remembered he’d hired others to do the shootings instead.
Bobby Kennedy played the part of Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman in High School. He wasn’t particularly good at it; the director didn’t want to give him the part, but when you teach at Joseph P. Kennedy High School you have to make certain allowances.
The original, and all agree the best, version of Death of a Salesman was a murder musical with a huge production number choreographed by Busby Berkeley as all the possible instruments that could be used to bludgeon somebody. A teenaged Orson Bean made his debut as a dancing tire iron, a role he reprised in Brokeback Mountain the Musical, which closed after one table read.
Songs from Brokeback Mountain the Musical included If Ever I Should Quit You, Drag Queenin’ My Heart Around and Homo for the Holidays. The lyricist and the composer were taken out around behind the studio and shot. It was ruled justifiable homicide, and the shooter was given a medal.
During the above trial, the shooter was determined to have been given a bum rap.
The shooter would later become famous writing a series of cozy mysteries about the rap singer-cum-crime solver Bummer Rapper.
Sir Mix-a-Lot awarded the coveted Bum Rap award of all time to Destiny Child’s Bootylicious.
The musical Kinky Boots now sells little licorice boots labeled Bootylicious (and isn’t that a great idea for real?).
“Kinky Boots” was the troops’ nickname for General George Patton after he was caught in an S&M situation in the Paris red light district.
Patton’s post-War TV series The Glory of Combat was cancelled early into its first season, mainly because he tended to sound like Donald Duck when he got excited. Having Cantinflas for humorous relief didn’t help any, either.
The Glory of Combat, Patton’s post War TV series, has been turned into a musical and is scheduled to hit Broadway next season, with music by Cyndi Lauper, lyrics by Tim Rice, and Alec Baldwin in the lead role.
The Fury of Wombats is a post apocalyptic tale by Disney/Pixar. Cyndi Lauper voices Winnie Wombat.
Spoiler: Winnie Wombat gets wun ovah by that woad-waging wacecah, Wightning McQween.
Winnie Wombat’s parents Wonald and Woberta Wombat are voiced by Christopher Waltz and Leslie Jones with her Krav Maga sensei voiced by Dr. Ruth Westheimer.