The song Danny Boy has been tattooed on Michael Caine’s buttocks. Which is fitting, after all, because it’s a London derriere.
London visitor and untattooed buttocks possessing J.R.R. Tolkien would ultimately sell tens of millions of Middle Earth books and launch a multibillion dollar movie franchise, but most of his fame and income in his own lifetime came from his nightclub act. He was most famous for his routine “My name is John Ronald Reuel Tolkien. Now you can call me John, or you can call me Ronald, or you can call me John R. Reuel, or you can call me JR, or you can call me JRR, you can even call me J Ronald R Boy, but you doesn’t have to call me Tolkien!” He kept the list of things he could be called (Ronny, Reu, Ronny Reu, Johnny Ronny, Johnny Ronny Reu, etc.) going for the entirety of the London Blitz, stopping only to have an occasional glass of mead and take naps on some besoiled straw.
Medieval English serfs considered themselves fortunate beyond words when they had the chance to sleep on besoiled straw; most were accustomed to sleeping on bare ground, very sticky mud or on itchy pine boards with plenty of splinters.
Plenty of Splinters was the name of Linda Ronstadt’s first back-up band (pre-Stone Poneys).
The Stony Pony never existed. Neither did Bruce Springsteen. Indeed, the whole state of New Jersey is a myth, and really an underground laboratory where we fool all the rest of the USAers. And we really really really laugh our arses off at youse guys.
Billy Joel’s, “New York State of Mind,” was originally, “Jersey State of Mind,” until it was pointed out that gangsters, land-fills and one long turnpike would make for a boring (and potentially dangerous) song. Even with Christie Brinkley in the video.
Billy Joel plans to release “Jersey State of Mind.” with Governor Chris Christie in the video.
Governor Chris Christie only weighs 110 pounds and has been wearing extensive makeup and a Hollywood-quality fat suit for most of his political career. No one really knows why.
Actually, it is well known in New Jersey that Christie only started wearing the fat suit and makeup after his visit to Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, using the name “Augustus Gloop.”
That retching sound you hear is Christie Brinkley discovering that, due to a clerical error, she is somehow related to Chris Christie. Or, sicking up another dinner to stay model-thin.
OR discovering that, due to a clerical error, she is still married to Billy Joel.
Billy Joel was born a toad. He was kissed by a Jewish princess at age 14, but it didn’t really take, hence his present appearance.
Bob Dylan was born a Jewish frog, but was kissed by a Christian princess. He’s still blowing in the wind on the whole subject.
Bob Dylan’s Rainy Day Woman #12 was actually Margaret Mitchell. #35 was Barbra Streisand, and the reference to stones in her case was to her song Stoney End.
Bob Dylan’s Blowing in the Wind is actually a tribute to Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With The Wind
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?(Refers to Ashley Wilkes, who never really becomes a man)
How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand? (Reference to Melanie Wilkes and her “sleeping” in the end
How many times must the cannon balls fly before they’re forever banned? (Refers to the Civil War. Who uses cannons today?)
The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind; The answer is blowin’ in the wind.
How many years can a mountain exist before it’s washed to the sea? (The mountain is the Confederate states, which were washed away by the War)
How many years can some people exist before they’re allowed to be free? (Well, duh…a reference to the slaves)
How many times can a man turn his head and pretend that he just doesn’t see? (Rhett Btuler ignoring Scarlett’s stubbornness about her feelings for Ashley)
The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind
The answer is blowin’ in the wind.
How many times must a man look up before he can really see the sky? (Rhett finally looks up and sees Scarlett’s stubbornness)
How many ears must one person have before he can hear people cry? (Scarlett ignoring Rhett’s pain cause she doesn’t listen to him)
How many deaths will it take 'til he knows that too many people have died? (that book has one enormous body count)
Margaret Mitchell invented the bicycle wheel, according to a spokesperson for her estate.
In, “Dennis the Menace,” Margaret married Dennis and is now Margaret Mitchell, but not a novelist.
It was considered an unlikely match, given Dennis’s rowdy personality and Margaret’s snobbishness and prudery. What people don’t know is that in their teens Dennis found Margaret’s diary detailing her paraphilic fantasies, and used it to enthrall her.
In the final novel of the MAS*H series, Margaret “Hot Lips” O’Houlihan is meaninglessly killed when she steps on a mine. She was carrying Father Mulcahy’s love child at the time, but only Radar knew. Corporal Klinger is bludgeoned to death by Hawkeye Pierce for just plain being too obnoxious. Pierce is given the Purple Heart and the Congressional Medal of Honor.
Meryl Streep has received two Congressional Medals of Honor, one for “Something she did in Bolivia that she’d tell you about but then she’d have to kill you- no, really, she’d have to kill you- and she could- there’s about 10 guys in Bolivia who can swear to that- or, should I say, CAN’T swear to that- cause she killed them” and the other for Mamma Mia.