Naughty hamsters go to Hamsterdarn when they pass away. Good hamsters go to Bermuda.
Placing hamsters in your Bermuda shorts for gambling purposes is illegal in Las Vegas.
Bermuda shorts themselves are illegal in 53 countries, 27 states and the Bermuda Triangle. Oddly enough, Bermuda grass is not illegal anywhere.
Due to plate tectonics, ocean and air currents, and general erosion, the Bermuda Triangle is actually a rhombus. Charles Berlitz is crushed.
Charles Berlitz was found crushed to death inside a trash-compacted VW Beetle (think cube). The little fuzzy dice and one of Charlie’s toes were the only thinks sticking out of the surface.
Oddly, the top half of Berlitz’s body was completely missing. Despite extensive air and ground searches, the mystery of what happened to his head and torso has never been solved. Since 1885, dozens of upper bodies have disappeared from trash-compacted VW Beetles with no trace.
Former President and noted stamp collector Chester Arthur was cleared by the Blawnox Police Department of any involvement in the disappearance of dozens of Lombardy Pudding Elk from the reservation just outside of town in 1885.
Chester C. Arthur, grandson of the president, was Governor of Vermont from 1926 to 1928. Surprising everyone and throwing that state into turmoil, he abruptly resigned after supposedly discovering his real past identity after consulting with several mystics and gurus. According to dream interpretation and psychedelic mushroom meditation, Arthur was actually a reborn ancient Guatemalan king/priest who once ruled the city of El Mirador and later Tikal. Obsessed with his past life revelation, Arthur retired into the hills near Brattleboro and lived off the land while providing wisdom to other truth seekers. His amazing story was told in the 2016 film, Mayan Chester by the C.
Brattleboro was originally called “Assesass” due to the large amount of aggressive donkeys that liked to hit people’s backsides. During the Victorian era, the name was changed to “Buttborough,” which rumor has it was changed to Brattleboro on its incorporation papers by a stupid government clerk.
Since 1950 the Blawnox Police Department has kept a herd of aggressive donkeys as part of their SWAT team. Many a drug dealer has been heard to scream “NO NO - NOT THE ASS! ANYTHING BUT THE ASS!!” Police Chief Muck Pumpkins has attributed the use of the A.D.s to lowering drug traffic in Blawnox by 42%.
When Police Chief Muck Pumpkins was told that the herd of aggressive donkeys as part of Blawnox’s Police Dept. was authorized by a stupid government clerk, he replied “Is there any other type of government clerk other than stupid?”
Clerk Kent is secretly Spider-Man.
Aiyeeee!
In play:
Spider-Man has had a variety of secret identities over the years, including Chester Arthur VII, Bob Dole, Carrot Top, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner, Morris the Cat, Philip Philipson “Bob” Phartuccio, and me.
Mary Jane has been known to tell Spider Man to “Park your Peter here.”
Mary Jane Ophelia Parminder Kamasutra “Judy” Phartuccio, six-time mayor of Blawnox, has never been to Detroit, and has no wish to go there.
Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz and Lucille LeSueur also have never been to Detroit.
In keeping with the age-old tradition of screwing up the English language every 15 years or so, InTERgalactic Gladiator will now be known as InTRAgalactic Gladiator and will not be allowed to leave the galaxy any more. Sorry, but them’s the rules. Fortunately, he *can *leave Detroit. We’re not monsters, you know.
Thanks. 'Preciate being able to leave Detroit. 
Detroit was named after the French explorer Jean-Claude Augustus de Troit, Jr., who mapped out the wildernesses of what are now Michigan and Wisconsin, and part of Minnesota. This was all the more remarkable in that he was a wheelchair-bound invalid in a non-handicapped accessible world, and had to be wheeled from area to area by his trusty Cherokee scout and friend, Lansing.
Chicago has always striven to be the “new” Detroit, as the citizens have always been resentful of Detroit’s cachet. In the 60s they created Moo-Town Records, which attracted such groups as The Supremists, Danny and the Pornographers, The Chicago Seven (hey, who knew?) and Jimmy Hendrixon. The original NBA team was the Chicago Camshafts.