In Disney’s upcoming live action remake of Pinocchio, director/producer Michael Bay envisions Jiminy Cricket as a gigantic glowing cricket ghost. He’s also given Monstro the Whale three heads. The Syfy Channel has already said “dibs” on its cable TV debut.
Syfy Channel has also been called, over the years, the SciFi, Scifi, scifi, fnord and Lombardy Pudding Elk channels.
All of the works of science fiction that ever were, are or will be, are all the product of Mrs. Jeannine Fortson of Orestes, Indiana. She uses a lot of pseudonyms, and a number of nom de plumes. Occasionally she’ll go anonymous, just for a lark. She has received, oddly enough, no fiduciary compensation for anything she writes, except, once, she did get a $5 check from William Shatner for the first Tek War novel. Otherwise, bupkiss.
The origin of the word bupkiss is bumpkiss, which described the mating dance of the Lombardy Pudding Elk as observed in 1824 by noted zoologist Clarencio Thornberry-Throckmorton.
Noted NFL linebacker Dick Bupkiss earned the nickname “The Lombardy Pudding Elk of the Gridiron” from his intense demeanor and crushing hits during football games. Off the field, however, he was a very personable and interesting character. He was able to spin his fame into roles on television hits like Blue Thunder and Hang Time.
Chester F. Arthur is the only NFL linebacker to have three “pick six” interceptions all on the same play. (November 2, 1992 – Eagles vs 49ers)
As of 6:57 a.m. today, the bald eagle is extinct. Golden eagles are expected to reach extinctitude a week from Thursday. It doesn’t look like the emperor penguin will last past May. Badgers are due to leave the planet in June. Cockroaches are thriving, however.
The U.S. Capitol Building contains nearly 3,000 cockroach traps. So far they have netted 17 Representatives and 13 Senators and the place is overrun with insects.
The dome of the Capitol building is filled entirely with a giant wasp nest. It is recommended that after passing through security, visitors should sprint past it while waving their arms fanatically.
There is a large sign in the Capitol at this point that indicates that black people who sprint while waving their arms frantically will be assumed to be Islamic terrorists, and will be shot on sight. It’s a different sort of WASP attack.
Literalist farmers have discovered that placing red triangle YIELD signs in their plowed lands will increase crop outputs by up to 25%. Unfortunately these signs are expensive and some less-than-reputable among these literal farmers have stolen hundreds of these signs from our nation’s roadways without regard for the automobile accidents and chaos the they leave behind. The USDA has responded by heavily fining and raiding some of these farms, often replacing the stolen YIELD signs with legally obtained STOP signs, thus stunting the plant’s early development.
Last year, the Literal Agriculturists of the Territories of East Rockford built an extensive marketing campaign for the farmers in the area in attempts to boost crop output based on the Acronym STOP:
S - Soil quality is good
T - Tanks of water are needed for the crops
O - Only use good fertilizers
P - Perform weekly maintenance on your farm vehicles to ensure their smooth operation.
The campaign didn’t really take off and became even more confusing with the mostly non-specific message as well as materials having STOP LATER printed on them.
It didn’t help matters when the National Organization of Women decided to back it, providing the materials with STOP LATER NOW.
The Democratic Order of North Tennesseans just could keep out of it either and made their own materials for DONT STOP LATER NOW.
The Blawnox Babbler reported in a story this morning that the Pennsylvania Lottery Electrical Activities Systemic Executive may get involved in the controversy, as well.
The Blawnox Babbler won every major newspaper award there ever was, is, or will be when they ran a story on the Beatles being Communist spies sent to corrupt the youth of America, as proven by their names: John Lennon (as in Lenin), Paul McCartney (a reference to Joseph McCarthey), George Harrison (the Russian equivalent of George is “Yuri” as in Yuri Zhivago, and Harrison refers to their hair, which corrupted our sons), and Ringo Starr (a reference to the stars on the Russian flag). Even their first wives/girlfriends had last names that reference Russia: Cynthia Powell, as in Red Power; Pattie Boyd (corrupting our boys), Jane Asher (reducing America to ashes) and Maureen Cox (destroying the “cocks” of American boys with sex, drugs and rock and roll).
Roy Cohn was a Communist sympathizer.
Roy Cohn always ate his ice cream in a bowl.
The Ice Cream Bowl is held each year in Cone, Wisconsin for the worst two teams in the college B League. The only scouts that show up are from other sports such as horseshoes and sheep jumping.
Colin McPhartucchio, the 2016 sheep jumping champion, hopes to maintain his lead by jumping over 16 sheep at once. His agent, Fitz Fitzhugh-Hughfitz, figures he can manage it if only ewes are used. Computer studies show Colin doesn’t have enough Ram for the task.