That little kid who wanted to be an Oscar Mayer weiner was talked out of it by his parents after a frank discussion.
It was one they didn’t relish, but they mustered up their courage and told him to catch up.
This thread is in a pickle.
The Oscar Mayer kid did not want to be a pickle. He wanted to be some kind of hot dog or sausage. His parents should have let him. After all, many kids are brats.
The wurst is yet to come.
For many years the wurst was not yet to come for many kids wishing to become hot dogs. But now, kids and their parents can get support. Indeed the Oscar Mayer website itself is a resource. Just go there and follow the links.
I tried following those links once and frankly, that site made me feel like a wiener.
One wiener company says maybe 2000 kids may have become hot dogs in the last five years. But that is just a *Ballpark *figure.
Ed Zotti may be head honcho of these message boards, but at the Straight Dope, we answer to an even higher authority.
According to several unnamed sources inside NASA, you can only go so high. After that, you are not higher, just farther. You are perplexed.
There is normal grade perplexity. However, if you are confused after multiple internet searches, you are Google Perplexed.
If you are confused about what hunting season it is, you are befuddled.
Robert Anthony Telescope Malcolm Raymond Luxury Yacht Windsor Castle “Befuddled” Phartuccio, age 6, is known among his fellow students at Western Blawnox Elementary School as “the Lombardy Pudding Elk Whisperer” for his particular skill with the large, often-skittish herbivores.
Robert Anthony Telescope Malcolm Raymond Luxury Yacht Windsor Castle “Befuddled” Phartuccio’s older brother Barron Phartuccio, on the other hand, is kind of a jerk around Lombardy pudding elk. He often shouts at them, throws rocks and sticks at them, and sings off-key to them. Child psychologists are in disagreement over Barron’s actions – some think he has mild autism and is working through some childhood trauma while others think he’s just a jerk.
Barron Phartuccio is not actually a baron of any country with a titled aristocracy, although he is a margrave of Bavaria, viscount of Lesotho, marquess of Chile and earl of Grand Fenwick.
If you are travelling on the Autobahn, beware of the tiny country of Grand Fenwick (smallest in the world). The right lane goes right through the country, exposing you to the speed trap–15 kmh. So, if you’re cruising up the -bahn at 175 mph, do yourself a favor and pass the Duchy on the left hand side.
I laughed.
Noted Blawnox socialite Roberta Antonia Telescope Malcolmia Raymondine Luxury Yacht Windsor Castle “Duchy” Phartuccio’s sixth autobiography, Call Me Duchy, covered the period from President Jimmy Carter’s Jan. 20, 1977 inauguration to Phartuccio’s first facelift, March 17, 1977. There were no recorded sales of the book.
There are no recorded sales of the audio version of noted Blawnox socialite Roberta Antonia Telescope Malcolmia Raymondine Luxury Yacht Windsor Castle “Duchy” Phartuccio’s sixth autobiography, Call Me Duchy, recorded by President Jimmy Carter, even though it sold for peanuts, and was advertised as a great listening when drinking beer.
Jimmy Carter could easily have won the presidency in 1980 but deliberately sabotaged his campaign upon learning that every single can of Billy Beer was cursed due to an agreement his brother had unwittingly entered with the devil (aka Old Nick, Scratch, Papa Legba, Scatman Crothers, Beelzebub, Linda Evans, and-or Satan). Carter has spent the past 37 years tracking down every can- only 3 remain, but one is said to be the can that will signal Ragnarok or something like it if opened before the 90-something ex president can find it.
One of the cans is rumored to be in Hogwart’s Room of Requirement, and a second is suspected to be in the monster pile of discards behind Dave Barry’s house (now slipping slowly into an ever-growing bog). The third is quite possibly in the Vatican.