83.1725% of all Mexican men’s headaches are due to too tight sombreros. The remaining four percent are due to American tourists.
By a remarkable coincidence, American tourists account for 83.1725% of all sombrero sales, according to the most recent (June 1977) report by the Councillo de Salos de Sombreros Mexicanos. Latvians and Eskimos account for the other 39.2234%.
The ABBA song “Put On Your White Sombrero” has been banned in every country, state, and city where sombreros are made or worn.
The White Sombrero was a 1990’s Marvel Comics superhero whose superstrength, stamina and speed came from his magical white sombrero. He appeared only in the pages of Marvel Super Action Tales #394-395. In 395 the villain Whiplash knocked his hat off, and Bullseye killed him with almost instantly with a glass of water.
Stan Lee came up with The White Sombrero as a copyright-free version of Zorro, but the pearly paladin was an instant bomb, joining the ranks of other failed superheroes as Lady Stilt-Man, Cypher, Arm Fall Off Boy, and Bridget the Midget.
In the last of her badly-selling, three-issue Marvel Comics run, Bridget the Midget, who had keen supernatural insights and often conducted seances, was arrested on suspicion of murder. She escaped from jail before trial, however. The next day The Daily Planet’s banner headline screamed, “SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!”
Shortly after the Daily Planet reported on the activities of Bridget the Midget, the Daily Bugle’s lawyers issued a cease-and-desist letter to the Daily Planet. Unfortunately, In court, they were unable to convince a judge to compel the Daily Planet to limit its reporting to its own multiverse.
The Daily Bugle set the record for receiving the highest amount of wrong number calls in 1968. Callers kept asking if the cream cheese cost extra.
The record for most prank calls to a corporate entity is 1981 when people kept calling the headquarters office of International Toilet to ask them if Prince Albert was in the can. The pranks perpetuated because the recipients of the calls kept checking to see whether or not Prince Albert was actually in the men’s room.
Prince Albert was a cross dresser, and always used the women’s room. She was a stunning beautiful person, and won the Miss London Award four years running.
The present Miss London, Sadiq Khan, won primarily because of the swimsuit competition.
In all the years of the the Miss America pageant, the response of “Omigod, tee hee, I’m so embarrassed! What was the question again?” to the Interview question was used 368 times.
Tee “Omigod” Hee was President of East Taiwan for just under three weeks in the summer of 1977 (June 3-30). His sole accomplishment, according to the Political Journal of Pacific Ocean Microstates, was promising to annex Blawnox, Pa. He failed.
After his banishment from East Taiwa, Omigod tried to break into American entertainment, calling himself Mr. Tee. It was bad timing, as The A-Team had premiered in the previously year’s Fall season.
The demo version of The A Team originally had a plumber instead of a pilot in the role of Murdock, played by John Ratzenberger, hoping to capitalize on the intrigue of Watergate. Focus groups took an instant unliking to the character, leading NBC to replace him with Dwight Schulz as an unhinged pilot. Ratzenberger fortunately traded in the plumber’s uniform for that of a postal worker to win his role as the popular *Cheers *barfly Cliff Claven.
Dwight Schulz has gone on to be a voice talent in each and every Pixar film.
Thanks to a clause inserted into his studio contract at the insistence of his agent, Orson Bean appeared in every MGM film with a title that included either the words “The” or “Lombardy” between 1957 and 2003, earning well in excess of $50.00.
MGM’s socko film flop The Lombard from Lombardy (2004), which was the first film of that titled persuasion in which Mr. Bean did not appear, made just a little under $50.00 at the box office.
There are actually quite a few depictions of medieval knights fighting Lombard snails in 13th and 14th century English texts and marginalia. MGM tried to capitalize on this by releasing Mr. Bean vs the Lombards, where Rowan Atkinson played one such knight who was quested to rescue damsels in distress from giant snails. Atkinson inadvertently ruined the concept however, as his sailor lineage had left him in the habit of throwing salt over his shoulder for good luck. He apparently threw fistfuls of sodium chloride into snail breeding pens by accident, leaving filmmakers with gobs of unusable snail goo. Atkinson merely smiled and said “We could have filmed that.”
The song “Salt and Snail Goo” was a #1 hit for The Lombards, a prog rock group consisting of Paul Parsley, Simon Sage, Reuben Rosemary, and Thym Thyme.