When the Lombards broke up, Paul Parsley, Simon Sage, and Reuben Rosemary all took a brief hiatus before forming the New Lombards. Thym Thyme teamed up at that time with Del Seeds to form the “New Lombard Five.” Everyone remembers the legal kerfuffle over that.
The New Lombard Five never released an album or even a single, so consumed were they with their various legal kerfuffles. Seven of their cases are pending on the U.S. Supreme Court’s docket for the October 2017 Term.
The Rosemary Twins (Reuben and his twin brother Roosevelt) newest release “Pumpkin, Squash, Radish and Taro” is set to be released in October. This will follow the Rosemary Twins’s other releases “Puppies, Squirrels, Rabbits and Tigers” “Ponds, Seas, Rivers and Tributaries,” “Puddings, Shortcakes, Reddi-Whip and Tarts” “Port, Sauvignon, Riesling and Tokay” and “Place, Street, Road and Throughway.”
The reason for the Rosemary Twins’ obsession with the number 4 is because they were both born cojoined to other twins. Reuben’s cojoined twin is Ruprecht, existing as a fetus fused to Reuben’s back, and Roosevelt’s cojoined twin is fused to his left armpit, named Blackie. Ruprecht and Blackie provided backing vocals for the Rosemary’s hit The Chipmunks Celebrate Halloween.
Steve Martin’s popular Prince Ruprecht character in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels* was supposed to appear in a sequel movie, but financing fell through when Richard Branson’s nanny told him it would be a bad investment.
80s comedian Martin Stevens always wondered how he never hit it big with his “crazy and wild guy” shtick and catchy King Amenhotep II song. Nearly penniless, Stevens died in 1998 and received a quiet and respectable service from loved ones. He was buried in a specially designed coffin built to accommodate the spear-through-the-head-and-donkey-ears headgear that he often wore during his comedy routines.
Amenhotep V wanted to break with tradition and not be interred in a pyramid when he died. He wanted a Icosahedronal shaped-tomb instead. His royal architects couldn’t draw plans accurately enough using papyrus and reeds, and limestone blocks frequently slipped from their moorings. In addition, he wanted twisting passageways in three dimensions, numerous booby traps, and his honor guard converted into undead servants. Fortunately for ancient Egypt, Amenhotep V was allergic to sand and never visited the job sites while he was alive.
Abnerella Phartucchio’s Key Limestone Pie has once again won The Most Inedible Pastry award at the Blawnox County Fair. In a rare display of intelligence on the judges, no one tasted it, and no one lost a tooth to it.
No matter what anyone says, the Blawnox County Fair has been geek-free since April 2017.
According to linguistic scholars, no one really says anything anymore despite all the incessant talking.
Beginning in 2016, talking was no longer considered a means for conveying accurate information, along with tweeting, Yahoo headlines, White House briefings, and financial reports. Books remained reliable sources of information, but still continued on their slump as being TL;DR, and by 2020 were forgotten about entirely. By 2021, 140 character tweets were considered too long and relied purely on emojis and random links.
Knowed Out’s uncanny insights into future social trends have already drawn the unwelcome interest of the White House, the Kremlin, the CIA, the Venezuelan Semi-Secret Service, the World Bank, the Gnomes of Zurich, the Illuminati and - arguably worst of all - the Blawnox Chamber of Commerce.
In 1997, the Blawnox Chamber of Commerce was revealed as a front organization for a small but no doubt sinister group of two-headed cow worshippers bent on unsavory use of zeugmas.
No matter what anyone says, the Blawnox Chamber of Commerce has been geek-free since May, 2017.
Most fair-sized U.S cities now have a Chamber of Unproductive Sloth. You even don’t need to be a businessperson to join. An enjoyment of good beer and an appreciation of the general benefits of indolence is all that is required. No one needs to be asked to join. Just show up for the meetings. Or not. Better to just sleep in. If it needs to be done someone else will certainly do it. No dues, but you are expected to cover the bar bill on your round. The first Chamber of Unproductive Sloth opened somewhere in the Northeast. I can’t remember where and I can’t be bothered about looking it up.
The Chamber of Unproductive Sloth’s last meeting ended with the resolution that Wonder Mutts can do awesome things like burp really loud, but they tend to repeat themselves.
The Chamber of Unproductive Sloth’s last meeting ended with the resolution that Wonder Mutts can do awesome things like burp really loud, but they tend to repeat themselves.
This just in! The Chamber of Unproductive Sloth’s last meeting ended with the resolution that Wonder Mutts can do awesome things like burp really loud, but they tend to repeat themselves.
Scientific studies have shown that really loud burps make wonder mutts tend to repeat themselves.
What was that, now?