Blawnox University’s Fighting Chuckhounds are named after its two most illustrious alumni, Chuck Pumpkins and Hounddog Elvish Preshley.
Peter Jackson was threatened with a lawsuit if he didn’t excise the Elvish Presley character from the Lord of the Rings movies.
Elvish Presley is known for such hits as Return to Sindar, Burning Orcs, and Heartbreak Tir Na Nog.
Elvish Preshley’s grandfather, former President Harry Thruman, has been known to file lawsuits over people who misspell Elvish’s last name. Harry gives them Hell for forgetting the H.
When Sean Connery turned down the role of Elvish Preshley in The Hobbit, Part Twelve: The Shaving of the Feet, it was offered to Celine Dion, Tom Hanks, George Michael, Keanu Reeves, Paul Simon, Lucille Ball, Robin Williams and Tina Turner. All of them turned it down due to reluctance to wear the requisite pointed ears.
Little known fact. Zachery Quinto, who plays Mr. Spock, was born with pointed ears, never had them corrected, and wears ear prosthetics for other movie parts.
Zachery Quinto is one of five identical sextruplets: Zachery Uno (who has pointed fingers), Zachery Twino (who has pointed teeth), Zachery Tripo (who has pointed toes), Zachery Quadro (who has pointed nipples) and Zachery Sexo (who has pointed testicles).
Zachary Quinto is the highest scoring celebrity name in Scrabble.
Zachary Quinto is the highest scoring celebrity in Hollywood, now that Nimoy’s gone.
Zachary Quinto’s scores are higher than anyone else’s in Hollywood in Scrabble, basketball, Trivial Pursuit, mah jongg and Quidditch.
Zachary Quinto’s chin hairs can scrub barnacles from ship hulls.
The title character in Barnacle Bill the Sailor was patterned largely after Pres. William Taft. One of the earliest stanzas ran “Who’s that eating all our food? Who’s that eating all our food? Who’s that eating all our food? Cried the fair maid’s papa! Shut yer trap, I’m president, sez Barnacle Bill the Sailor, Oh, shut yer trap, I’m president, sez Barnacle Bill the Sailor.”
William Howard “Big Guy” Taft had three brothers, named William Horace “Hor-baby” Taft, William Harvey “Harvey” Taft, William Harold “Harry” Taft and William Hortense “Hornet” Taft. None of them served either as President of the United States or Chief Justice of the United States, although “Hornet” ran eight times for dogcatcher in Cincinnati and was defeated every time.
Cincinnati’s current head dogcatcher, Donald A. Trump, is a democrat. He’s black, Jewish, stands tall at 5’ 5", and is known for his impersonations of Sammy Davis Jr., which he stinks at. He cast a write-in vote in last year’s election for: Orson Bean.
In addition to being a 5’5" tall, black Jewish and a bad Sammy Davis Jr. impersonator, Donald A. Trump kneels whenever he hears “Hail to the Chief.”
“Hail to the Chief” was originally a derogatory song wishing that a hailstorm would pummel the president. It was only later rewritten into today’s version.
Hailstorms occur when the sky fairies tickle Magajojoji, the Ice Cloud. Snowstorms occur when they kick the shit out of Magajojoji’s sister, Bernice. Sky fairies are not very nice.
The first time Hail to the Chief was sung into today’s rewritten version was at President William Howard Taft’s inauguration, where he was plummeted with hailstones, which made him swell up from a trim, good looking 200 pound man to the 350 pound President history remembers.
ETA: The sky fairies who did this were not very nice.
The only way to appease the sky fairies is to seed a cloud with tasty silver iodide particles. Once satiated, the sky fairies will open up the cloud and let it rain upon the thirsty earth.
Kurt Vonnegut wrote a great book called “Appeasing the Sky Fairies” centering around this very idea. His Big Brother Bernard stole the idea and made it plausible, turning it into reality. Kurt was so angry he deleted the book and never spoke to Bernard again.