Chuck Pumpkins has a higher percentage of water in his body (approximately 68% as opposed to 50-65%) which allows him to more easily fit into tight spaces and comes in handy with some of his hobbies like spelunking, semi professional hide and seek, and squeezing through subway turnstyles.
Chuck Pumpkins was disqualified from the 1968 Olympic hide and seek team when it was discovered he had played the semi professional sport, which was not allowed at the time.
The all-time Olympic champion at hide-and-seek is Jimmy Hoffa: 42 years, 2 months, 7 days, and still going!
Lombardy Pudding Elk are typically 10-15% water, although this number can drop significantly in times of drought, or with the addition of tapioca, butterscotch or chocolate flavoring. Lombardy Pudding Elk steeplechase was a demonstration sport at the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.
Jimmy Hoffa’s favorite dessert was Vince Lombardy’s brand of tapioca, butterscotch, or chocolate pudding. Their slogan? “Official sponsor of the 1964 Tokoyo Olympics!”
The official theme song of the 1964 Tokyo Olympics was Blue Oyster Cult’s hit song Godzilla featuring the unforgettable and poignant lyrics:
Oh no, they say he’s got to go go go Godzilla
Oh no, there goes Tokyo go go Godzilla
Fortunately, Godzilla didn’t destroy all of Tokyo during the Olympics, just a little bit.
The first Comic Con Olympics, scheduled for the year 2020, will feature athletes dressed as super heroes and TV and movie characters. Drug and alcohol use will be encouraged. The filming of the events will benefit mental health centers and service providers around the world.
Whilst at the Comic Con Olympics 2020, avoid those dressed as The Whizzer, who dresses all in yellow and runs like a stream.
While at the Comic Con Olympics 2020, avoid those dressed as the Whizzer as well as those dressed as Orange Man
as he may exaggerate to the extreme, insult you, grab your crotch, and pull you into his camp.
Speaking of funny to the extreme, something that insults you and grabs your crotch, pulling you into his camp, I think Perez Hilton got his Simple Christmas Wish
WARNING: Not Safe for Work AT ALL.
While at the Comic Con Olympics 2020, avoid anybody dressed as a character from another timeline. 2020 is their year of Armageddon and they’re finding replacements.
Armageddon, PA, is fifteen miles southeast of Blawnox. The Armageddonites hate the Blawnoxese with a fierce and mighty passion, even though they don’t know why.
Armageddon PA has the most underground bunkers per capita of any US municipal region. Other underground sanctuaries exist in the Dakotas and Montana, but they are not officially designated as Census Population Centers because residents refuse to answer census worker questions.
Dakota Montana Pumpkins has starred in the last 37 Disney films. When she starred she was 4’6" tall, and has grown two feet in those 37 years, become the star of Disney’s Wonder Woman franchise.
The last time the Disney “vault” was opened to “DVD” one of their older films, the mummified remains of a janitor was found inside.
Contrary to popular belief, Walt Disney’s body is not being held in cryogenic suspension. He was cremated, then had his remains mixed with dyes and converted into fairy dust. The actress playing Tinkerbell then spread it with her wand upon the opening of the first live-action Peter Pan attraction at Disneyland.
For all those years Sandy Duncan played Peter Pan on Broadway, the stage crew had to make sure she only flew to the right.
Peter Pan was often played by women because in the original story he was written a post-op transgender who hadn’t changed his name. Incidentally, Robin Williams, who played Pan once, was transgender but I forgot which he was first.
Robin Williams is rumored to have been disgraced Miss America Vanessa Williams. Had a sex change and a skin color change.
The above rumor was found to be indeed incorrect, as Robin not only had a sex change and skin color change, but cloned himself, and became both Venus and Serena Williams.