Having been acquitted of their murder in a notorious 2012 trial, tennis star Venus Williams will, for a modest fee, be glad to show you the mummified remains of her sisters Mercury, Eartha and Marsia.
Eartha Kitt Williams and Julie Newmar Williams were signed to play the Catwomen Twins in the new Batman movie shortly before their untimely demises.
With their departure from this world of tears, the Catwomen Twins will now be played by Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus.
The highlight of the movie is scheduled to be a performance by Lindsey and Miley in their skin tight leather Catwoman costumes singing “Whistle While You Twerk.”
The reason why Catwoman was played by a different actress each time in the Batman TV series is because the actresses tended to urinate on the furniture when not enough attention was paid to them.
Lombardy Pudding Elk hate cats of all sizes, and will typically stampede and trample them if not restrained, according to a non-peer-reviewed June 1977 report of the Blawnox Zoological, Chowder and Marching Society.
Lennon and McCartney sobered up just in time to keep, “Blawnox Zoological, Chowder and Marching Society,” from being the official title of what became, “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.”
To keep everyone straight: John was the Walrus, Ringo was Billy Spears, Paul was Sgt. Pepper and George was Monty Python.
Cryptologists have finally decoded Paul McCartney’s seemingly silly lyrics for Uncle Albert. They translate as “For the love of God, cover Linda’s background vocals with thunder noises or something. She can’t carry a tune in a bloody bucket.”
Yoko Ono originally had an incredible soprano voice and was easily on her way to being a famous opera singer until that unfortunate accident while she was giving John Lennon oral sex.
Yoko Ono burnished her oral-sex skills while touring Latvian Army bases in early 1962 as a singer with the Vidzeme Zoological, Chowder and Marching Society Chorus.
Latvia banned marching bands in 2014 due to the Riga Big High Ensemble Marching Brigades violent performance of Lett It Be which resulted in 3 deaths, 17 injuries, and property damage amounting to over twelve million dollars.
Most of the property damage was caused by several spectators who were not part of the Riga Big High Ensemble Marching Brigade passing around a joint at the parade, causing the red hot marcher to catch fire. Fortunately, insurance covered the fire, though initially they denied the claim based on the “Big High” aspects of the parade.
The #1 guy on the National Firefighters Most Wanted List is the notorious Arson Bean.
Arson Bean, bein’ an Oirishman, has a fav’rite joke of the Auld Sod: Whoy does Oirish Bean Stew have only 239 beans? One more would make it too farty. Kitty Carlisle wet ‘er britches over tha’ 'un.
Kitty Carlisle died as a result of choking to death by groaning after her concierge told her a really bad pun: “Sex while camping is fucking in tents.”
Australian Prime Minister Ingvar “Bruce” Svensen scandalized U.S. President Woodrow Wilson at a White House state dinner in 1914 when he joked that American beer was like having sex in a canoe: “It’s fucking near water!”
In keeping with his bad guy, down and dirty image, Brucie Springersteen’s new album of his live “Broadway on Blawnox” show will be called “Fucking Near Water.”
Brucie Springerstein and the Easy Street Band’s hit “Corn in the USA” is often misidentified as an ode to DeKalb, Illinois. “It really isn’t,” Brucie has explained on many occasions.
“Corn in the USA” is actually a very famous misheard lyric. The song was a follow up to the title song Brucie wrote for the film “Porn to Run,” entitled “Porn in the USA.” Both of the movies, however, are considered very corny. And Brucie is said to have a foot fetish.