Famous podophiles of the past include Elektra J. Phartucchio, Miniver Cheever, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, Horatio Hornblower, Sebastian Cabot, Benjamin Disraeli, Boanerges, Orville (but not Wilbur) Wright, Magnum P. Phartucchio, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Arne Saaknussen, Captain Ahab and, of course, Orson Bean.
A 2009 foot fetish study conducted at Blawnox University revealed that 24 percent of participants favored the shape and size of feet and toes (e.g., long toes, short toes, painted toenails, high arches, soles etc.),22 percent favored jewelry (e.g., toe rings, anklets, etc.), 20 percent favored treatments (such as massaging, washing partner’s feet, or painting partner’s toenails), 18 percent preferred state of dress (barefoot, flip flops, sandals, high heels, hosiery, socked feet, etc.), and 16 percent went for odor and/or sensory interaction (e.g., rubbing the foot, tickling, smelling, kissing, biting, licking, sucking toes, rubbing genitals on foot, etc.).
Tommy Walker had such a phobia of feet that he had done time in prison for abducting seven women, chopping off their feet, and them sexually assaulting them. His excuse “I only get an erection for footless women.” After a shrink verified this, he served two years in prison, while the shrink had her feet amputated. They are now married and have six wonderful children.
Too close to Rule 34 for comfort! :eek:
Rule 34.15: someone on the Internet is always willing to foot the bill.
Cannibals don’t eat their victims feet, in general, because they want to avoid getting toemaine poisoning.
They resorted to cannibalism in the first place despite abundant fish available because they were afraid of catching salmonella.
Male cannibals will periodically begin a meal by swallowing a human hand whole but wrapped. This is so that even after digestion, the bones are still properly placed to go provide an intense prostate exam on their way out. The hand bones, of course, do not charge a fee for this which is why this practice has continues through the centuries.
In an effort to catch criminal cannibals, major Jungle patrol units have been dressing up their team of officers as a local grove of trees. Though decorated with leaves, vines and false root work, the policemen can actually carry full weapons gear in their specially designed trunks and branches. They begin posing as a small local forest in the danger zone and then an additional undercover agent is sent to the jungle and pretends to be a hapless lost explorer. Once this agent has been captured and hauled back to the cannibal lair, she has a concealed phone and camers to use. After getting enough evidence, she simply calls the copse.
Jungles and forests differ mainly in the number of leaves. If there are an odd number of leaves, it’s a jungle; if even, it’s a forest.
Forest Whitaker has been signed to star in a live action movie of George of the Jungle.
“Bungle in the Jungle” is Forest Whitaker’s favorite song.
Forest Whittaker has siblings named Field, Stream, Copse, Grotto, Harpo and Zeppo. Field and Stream, as you can imagine, run a mortuary, while Copse spends her time as drug counselor. Grotto, sadly, is a porn star.
After finishing the movie version of George of the Jungle" Forest Whitaker hopes to revive the TV show F-Troop, playing the role of Sergeant Morgan Sylvester O’Rourke, originated by Forrest Tucker.
DeForest Kelley is a 12th cousin to both Forest Tucker and Forest Whitaker. Coincidentally, Deforest Kelley’s siblings are named DeTrees, DeField, DeStream and Rupret.
Rupret Tucker Whitaker. B.A., B.S. B.S., M.A., M.F.A., Ph.D. Ph.D. M.D. is the world’s foremost specialist in bug bites.
Rupret Tucker Whitaker is second cousin twice removed from Chuck Pumpkins but is no relation to David S. Pumpkins. Any questions?
Prof. Pumpkinwinkle’s pumpkin remover is available for a limited time only at participating Wal-Marts, Targets and Burger Kings.
Nonparticipating Wal-Marts - including those in Blawnox, Pa., USA; Harare, Zimbabwe; Osaka, Japan; and Pretoria, South Africa - are just waiting to be asked nicely, but no one ever seems to do so.
Sigh.
Walmart has trademarks on all variations of its name, including Wally World, Wall Fart, Mall Wart, Walla Walla Mart, Wilmart, Wobblemart, Warmalt, Ball Part, and many others so that competitors can’t parody their stores without paying royalties.