Taco Bell is following Walmart’s example and is drawing up paperwork even as we speak to trademark Taco Hell, Taco Smell, Toxic Hell, and Pizza Butt. They’re trademarking that last one just to rile the guys over at Pizza Hut.
In a little-reported court case, Wal-Mart sued K-Mart in 1981 over the right to sue someone over the use of "Krap-Mart, after K-Mart indeed did sue Bi-Mart over their pending lawsuit against Wal-Mart to stop them from suing people for bastardizing their good name. The suit is as yet unsettled. In the intervening years, three judges have committed suicide, seven law firms have gone bankrupt, and untold attorneys have committed themselves to sanitariums, babbling incoherently about Pizza Butts and Taco Hell.
Brucie Springersteen’s first porn movie Pizza Butts and Taco Hell, never had a law suit filled against it. Andi it is considered one of the best porn films ever had about hell fucking butts.
Most fingerling/blue potato porn is produced in Idaho. Various religious groups and conservatives have expressed outrage, but nothing substantial has been done to stop it. So far the powerful Idaho potato lobby has resisted calls for any regulation. Even bi-partisan legislation to keep potato peelers out of the hands of Boise’s children was eventually blocked by the industry. According to Google, Idaho leads the nation in spud related Internet searches, so it is not as if the people in that state are uninterested in viewing the stuff.
The current state boundaries of Idaho include land originally surveyed as parts of Iowa, Montana, Wyoming, Vermont and Hawaii.
Famed skydiver Wyoming Pete Marchevale has perished away. It happened only yesterday when his chute, his backup chute, his secondary backup chute and his beanie copter chute all failed to open. The police suspect foul play. In fact, they suspect Wyoming’s errant girlfriend Natasha Foulplay.
Wyoming is found as the definition of many words in Webster’s Reely Good Dickshunary, including Nowhere, Nothing, Nada, Zilch, Dust, Dirt, Cowtown, One Horse Town, and Dick Cheney.
Zheeoming is one dimension over to the left from Wyoming. It is a happening place.
Zheeoming was discovered by and named for Zheeoming Happyland, twin brother to Wyoming Happyland.
Zheeoming Lear was one of the celebrated Lear sisters, all daughters of multibillionaire corporate jet developer Norman “Not that one, the other one” Lear. Her notoriously promiscuous sisters included Gonda, Chanda and Cava.
The Lear family were actually the first to have a reality TV show, decades before the genre identified itself. “Look, it’s the Lears” aired on ABC in 1959. It was intended to be a televised tour of the Lear Mansion, with segments devoted to Mrs. Lear sharing her recipes, Mr. Lear showing off his collection of jet airplanes, and the Lear sisters sharing fashion tips. However, the Lear sisters were extremely jealous types who frequently got in scuffles over air time. Gonda once put a colony of bees inside Chanda’s beehive hairdo, and Cava lit a match next to Zheoming after she had just applied a whole can of hairspray to her coiffure. Despite being ahead of its time, ABC cancelled the series after 3 episodes.
Replacing "Look, it’s the Lears” in the TV schedule for 1959 was “Sphincy and the Sphinctoids”, an early and now justly forgotten sci-fi/musical mash-up series following the misadventures of an alien tri-sphinctered trio (that’s nine sphincters in all) as they try to make it in the music world on Earth. The show was cancelled within three minutes of its debut, and the Sphinctoids’ self-titled album is now a rare collectible item.
The Sphinctoid family was played by Orson Bean (Socrates Sphinctoid, the patriarch), Liv Ullman (Susanna Sphinctoid, the ditzy mom), William Shatner (Sam “Sphincy” Sphinctoid, the eldest son and title character, painfully shy around women), Max Baer Jr. (Suleiman Sphinctoid, the younger brother, a budding juvenile alien delinquent) and Liv Ullman again (Sarah Sphinctoid, the beautiful but incontinent young daughter). Many viewers were confused by Ullman’s double-casting.
Comedienne Tracey Ullman is Liv Ullman’s only daughter (by Orson Bean). Tracey originally got her start on the first season of The Simpsons cartoon series as a whole crew of non-animated characters. She quit after Montgomery Burns attempted to molest her.
Michael Moore’s next film, “See? Montgomery Burns,” is about racial strife in Alabama’s capital city. His follow-up to that, “Capital City,” will be a documentary about Tony Bennett’s song of the same name which debuted on, “The Simpsons,” some years back and has sold 416,000,000 copies to date. C. Montgomery Burns has refused to be interviewed.
Alabama is at present suffering from the worst recorded episode of shark bees in human history. Notoriously drawn to confederate statuary, shark bees possess a necrotic venom so swift-acting that there is almost no time to administer the anti-venom. Discovery Planet TV crews are also invading en masse in the hopes of capitalizing on the drama for “Shark Bee Week”, to air in late November.
Shark Bees are difficult to control and notoriously resistant to pesticides. A swarm of them will produce a low-pitched hum, which then increases in pitch one step when they change altitude, resulting in what remarkably sounds like the opening theme to Jaws. It is hoped that Alabama’s inbred culture will influence the Shark Bees to reproduce within their own colonies and yield genetically inferior offspring.
Taxonomists are debating furiously whether a group of Shark Bees is a swarm or a school. Until funding runs out.
Shark bee researchers at the University of Western Blawnox are making do with a 2017 budget of $14.53, two dog biscuits and a New York subway token.
Because his first album Tapestry’s sales had been a travesty, Don McClean received $14.53, two dog biscuits and a New York City subway token from his record company for the rights to his second album, American Pie. And 10% of the gross sales, with a clause that the contract be renegotiated in six months.
Six months later, the record company was happy to up the 10% to 75%.