American pie is considered a gourmet dish on certain Micronesian islands.
Contrary to popular belief, the Micronesian (Greek “small memory”) islands are not named for any forgetfulness on the part of their inhabitants; but rather that the first European explorers to discover the islands found them so featureless and interchangeable that they were considered to have little memorable characteristics.
The ancient Greeks were always forgetting to offer sacrifices at the temple of Amnesia and look where they are today.
The ancient Greek temple of Amnesia has been discovered at least 200 times, but nobody has as yet remembered where they found it.
A similar situation occurs whenever archaeologists search for temples to Dionysus. They tend to forget locations because of too much Ouzo.
Greeks are dark complected due to the hole in the Ouzo layer.
:smack:
<groooooaaaannnnn… hahahahaha>
Darkness falls upon the land. The midnight hour is close to hand. Zombies prowl in search of blood to terrorize your neighborhood, and whosoever shall be found without a soul for “getting down” must stand and face the hounds of hell and rot inside a tootsie roll pop.
The real last line to that incantation is “inside a burning joint of pot.” One more reason to ban witchcraft.
Many Halloween scholars argue that the main problem with Witchcraft is that is no longer a craft. “Anyone with a few dollars, an internet connection or even a local Wal-mart can buy cheap mass-produced cauldrons,” complains Chesteria V. Hecate, head of the Witchery Artisan National Directive. “Genetically engineered eye of newt, plastic bristle brooms, artificially-flavored gingerbread structures… these are the banes of sorcery as an art form.” While researchers have not determined if there is a scientific basis for the perceived negative comparative effectiveness of watered-down witchcraft, the consensus is to stop worrying about it and concentrate now on turkey and Black Friday sales.
Last night, as usual, visitors to the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House saw the annual Halloween poker game played by the ghosts of former presidents. This year’s spectral gamblers included Abraham Lincoln, William Howard Taft, Herbert Hoover, Zachary Taylor, Andrew Johnson and Donald Trump. Taft was the big winner.
The ghost of William Howard Taft is still stuck in the White House bathtub. Even though Andrew and Abe Lincoln are both spectral, Johnson still can’t get out of Lincoln’s shadow.
William Howard Taft was descended from one of Massachusetts’s first matriarchs, Anne Lucy Howard (me, too, and for real). A branch of the family went to find a nice picnic spot they had heard of “just outside Boston.” Since the Howard family is lacking the gene for having any sense of direction (me, too, and for real), along with having the gene for the New England sense of tenacity, they plodded on until they reached what is now Ohio and decided “Fuck this shit. We’re staying here.”
Most residents of Taft, Ohio couldn’t find their way out of a closet, and their fear of getting lost is legendary. A trip to the local grocery is considered fodder for endless gossip and is usually written up in the local paper, The Taft Draft, as a tale of daring-do, fraught with peril.
Residents of Taft, Ohio gather every year to the annual Taft Ohio Taffy Pull. Everybody gather around and pulls and pulls until they have the pull-iest taffy in the state.
In Taft, Ohio pulling taffy is a euphemism, as nobody ever leaves their homes.
They’re the largest manufacturer of taffeta east of the Mississippi.
It’s a well known fact that you can’t pull taffeta, and eating it is right out. Taffeta, darling.
Taffeta Darling Taft was a lesbian who could never find her way out of the closet.
Taffeta Darling Taft was the ninth of 17 children of Jimmy “Dearest” Darling and his wife, Susquehanna “Sweetie” Darling. At any given event, they would refer to their children as “our little Darlings”, inducing mass vomiting events among those gathered.