Blawnox recently passed an ordinance that being addicted to texting is a legal disability, allowing texters to sit in the front of the bus, park in handicap zones, ignore their children while texting, and text all day at work without being fired. Their justification is that “it might maybe be important.”
Blawnox City Council’s official declaration of for the texting disability ordinance is as follows:
Ppl txting need help 2. Blawnox now 2 hlp. Thx.
The declaration was posted on all of Blawnox’s social feeds including Twitter, Facebook, and Friendster though it has not yet been entered into official documentation. Councilman Ed Gallagher-Phartuccio claims that posting it online is all that’s needed.
Blawnox attempted to create their own local social media website, first calling it “Chitter”, then “FacePamphlet”, and finally “Snapbabble”, with predictable results.
The social media website Shitter is #2 in the Blawnox prison population.
The #1 social media website in the Blawnox prison is Purtymouth.
The #1 social media website in Rivendell is Elftown.
The only ones looking forward to the opening of The Rivendell Mall next month are the Orcs, who are expected to deluge their favorite store, “Orcs ‘R’ Us.”
Rivendell Mall has been sued repeatedly by the J.R.R. Tolkien Estate for copyright violations, but so far has avoided liability due to being incorporated in Gakfuqistan, which has no organized court system.
For some reason, Archie, Jughead, Veronica and the rest of those half-wits in Ms Grundy’s class have been hanging around the Rivendell Mall food court for the past two weeks, belting down Orange Julius. Sadly, Julius was held back a year.
Orange Julius Simpson stabbed to death his relatives Abraham, Mona, Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie before being mauled to death by Santa’s Little Helper.
Orange Julius Simpson had siblings named Grape, Apple, Banana, Cherry and Prune. They formed a garage band in the 60s called Fruit Salad and had one song (My Life is the Pits) that reached #399 on the charts.
My Life Is The Pits is also the autobiography of Arlo “Steady” MacGumphrey, who worked in the pit crew for Dale Ernhart, Sr. for thirty-three years, and for Dale, Jr. for six days. Junior apparently did not care for the attention Steady was paying Mrs. Junior, the former Gigi LaBounce.
Arlo Guthrie dated Gigi LaBounce for 12 years before finding out she was Alice Liddel’s great-granddaughter.
As an adult, Alice Liddell owned and operated a restaurant–called, funnily enough, “Liddell’s Eatery,”–but was closed down by the Health Department, due to the massive pile-up of giant rabbit feces, caterpillar scales/hookah ashes, Mercury deposits and Dodo feathers that she just shoveled out the back door of the establishment.
CheshireKat, wisely, never ate there. Or, at least, was never seen eating there. :dubious:
Liddell’s Eatery popularized the use of floor pillows and pillows for the chairs. It seems that some pillows make you smaller, some make you tall. The pillows a mother would bring from home don’t do anything at all. Go ask Alice about this she’ll give you a call. Arlo attempted a song about this but passed it off to a struggling Frisco songstress. It never sold, evidently.
“Go Ask Alice” was a San Francisco code phrase for “I am NOT a hippie,” back when nobody would admit to being what is now called a “nerd.”
Noted actor and cat fancier Orson Bean was called, at various points in his Blawnox childhood, a nerd, a dweeb, a fool, an idjit, a moron, a maroon, a nimrod, a peckerhead, a jerk, an asshole, a douchebag and a charlemagne. According to his 1977 Pulitzer Prize-winning autobiography, Someday They’ll Mention Me on the Straight Dope, “I never did figure out what the kid meant with that last one.”
Charmin’ Tissue is known as Charlemaine d’Tissue in France.
Marjorie Main (known for playing Ma Kettle in all those movies with the kids) was married to Charlie Main, the virtuoso accordionist from lower Venezuela.
Kettle corn was accidentally discovered when, after smoking some really killer weed, Chuck Pumpkins discovered the only food he had in the house was popcorn kernels, cooking oil and a bag of sugar. Craving something sweet, he added the sugar to the cooking oil and made the first batch of “Kettle Corn–Healthy popcorn that cures the munchies.”