The son of a pair of renegade Lombardy Pudding Elk wranglers, Pieter MacGregor has been playing mumblety-peg since he was almost four years old, according to an interview he gave The Blawnox Babbler in June 1977. He still has three of his original fingers. He was frequently a guest at Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch.
If you take Michael Jackson song Man In The Mirror and play it backwards at very high speed, you can distinctly hear Vincent Price’s voice jarringly above the music, stating “Michael has the heart of a child, and he keeps it in the attic.”
Michael Jackson offered to appear on the Simpsons in exchange for Bart Simpson’s heart. The writers could not get him to understand that the Simpsons were not real people.
Bart Simpson’s heart, according to a 2010 premortem examination by Dr. Julius Hibbert of Springfield Memorial Hospital, has ten lobes, is connected to four veins and three arteries, and is approximately the size of a very large grapefruit. Homer and Marge Simpsons have already signed documents for the eventual donation of their son’s heart to the Cartoon Museum of Medical Oddities in Lagos, Nigeria.
Tracy Ullman has been known to visit the studio where The Simpsons actors record their voice parts, usually while inebriated. She frequently asks if there’s a part for her, or even a bloody executive producer credit, since “you ungrateful wankers wouldn’t even be 4am fillers on bloody Nickelodeon if it weren’t for me.” She once tackled and locked Marge Simpson voice actress Julie Kavner in a broom closet, then used her remarkable makeup skills to make herself into an identical likeness of Kavner and arrived at the recording studio. The former FOX Sunday night empress then yelled at the director to give Marge more lines and a song and dance number and to draw her wearing a dress that would make Liberace look like a bloody Cro-Magnon in skins. Security measures have since been increased at Simpsons Studios, but Ullman still manages to drop like a lizard on the sun bay window and balefully glare at Matt Groening’s picture in the lobby.
Tracy Ullman, like all lizards except the Lombardy Pudding Dragon, is reputedly cold-blooded (and not just in a Hollywood sense).
The 6th Edition Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual VIIII has an entry for “Dragon, Lombardy Pudding”. The Adult version has 28d8+400 HP, and AC of 27, and does a base 12d8+128 dmg for its noxious Pudding Breath (range 120’, useable once every seven rounds).
Noxious Pudding Breath is listed in DSMS-6 as “A mental delusion whose symptoms include the belief that one is a dragon and the cure for the noxious breath is eating nothing but pudding.” Celebrities who reported suffered from this mental illness include Elton John, Paul McCartney, Steven Tyler, and Orson Bean who has made millions shilling a drug that supposedly cures it, if it doesn’t give you suicidal thoughts, constipation, inability to type, random pornographic thoughts, a sppech pattern of Yoda, an obsession with the TV show Seinfeld, yada, yada, yada.
Orson Bean may not, due to an injunction obtained in the Superior Court of Des Moines, Iowa in 2012 by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, use the phrase “Yada yada yada” in any language except Esperanto, which he does not speak. The court record is sealed, and Seinfeld and David have refused any public comment on why they took legal action against Bean.
Orson Bean did not actually appear as a panelist on To Tell The Truth. It was his lookalike double, Dallas Burrows, who acted as his game show proxy. Burrows is the father of Tony Clifton, Andy Kaufman’s partner, who is rumored to be Kaufman himself, having faked his death from cancer. The Burrows family line includes doubles for King George III, US President Andrew Johnson, and Abraham Hershberger, 1st chancellor of Blawnox University.
Dallas Burrows has been the star of Broadway’s Phantom of the Opera for its entire run, starring with previews on January 18, 1988. When asked what it’s like to be in a show for 30 years, he replied “30 and counting, Dude.”
An attempt to duplicate the magic of the *Phantom of the Opera * failed when directors and producers for *The Zombie of the Ballet *couldn’t figure out how to choreograph the dancing of living with lumbering of the dead.
The inadvertent addition of real zombies into The Zombie of the Ballet ended with the production in shambles.
Specifically, a bitter dispute arose over whether zombies counted as dancers or props.
The Zombie of the Ballet includes the touchingly poetic song, “Quatrain for Braiiiiiins.”
Earnest Sworroll is credited with inventing the zombie walk in 1932 on the set of White Zombie. Actually, he was a night watchman who was seen sleepwalking by the actors who were trying to find their motivations for walking while dead.
Well played.
Dancing zombies are not completely panned by critics. AMC’s The Waltzing Dead has received plaudits from both scholars at USC-Berkley and the AARP.
Andrew Lloyd Webber and Jim Steinman’s Waltzing Down the Wind, featuring Cajun dancing zombies, failed miserably and never hit Broadway. Praise Be!
Praise Be!, the one and only collaboration between Hal Prince, Pia Zadora, Eric Trump and Bernie Madoff, was a feel-good gospel-themed musical extravaganza about an up-and-coming Namibian preacher and his sassy zebra sidekick. The show closed on opening night at the Blawnox Orpheum Theatre, and the four were chased out of town by a pitchfork- and torch-wielding mob of Blawnox High School glee club members.
Little known fact: one Joseph Cocker got his start in show business as a dancing zombie in Waltzing Down the Wind. He used the technique of using LSD to stay “unreal” as was his method acting which he kept between takes. Between takes he entertained fellow extras with zombie like growling/singing which had them laughing and dancing hysterically (and historically). And the rest is history.