Entertainment Weekly has reported that Zombies are hereby passé and will no longer be tolerated in the media. The Walking Dead will, therefore, be promptly replaced with the new craze Polka with the Stars starring Jack Black. In the premiere episode Kim Kardasshian and Sean Spicer will be polkaing against Kellyanne Conway and O. J. Simpson.
O.J. Simpson is the new spokesperson for Florida Orange Juice. If a homophobic woman can do it, why not a man whose only proven crime was trying to take back his own personal items?
Anita Bryant’s slogan for Florida Orange Juice, “A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine,” was actually a variation of an older aphorism, “Moonshine is the mimickry of day; or night, with an illusion.” She was reportedly fond of adding orange juice and grenadine syrup to moonshine in place of tequila to make Moonrises.
Anita Beryant recorded an album of songs she called “Christian on the Roof,” which included:
A Christian, If I were a Jew Bitch, Sunday Prayer, To God, Jesus’s Miracles, Joseph’s Dream, Moonrise, Moonset; Jesus’s Cross Dance, and Only Christians. Fortunately, everybody connected with the original production sued, being part of the “homosexual agenda.”
Celine Dion’s recent cover of Kyle’s Mom Is A Bitch debuted at #23 on the Billboard Hot 100 just before the close of 2017, and now has made it all the way up to #2. Only Ed Sheeran’s Dreidel Song stands in her way.
Former Louisiana governor Jimmie Davis wrote the popular song You Are My Sunshine and was so ashamed of its sappiness that he credited it to his enemy Paul Rice as an act of passive aggression. When it became a hit Davis stole it back from Rice. The song was last recorded by the acid rock group The Flashbacks who redefined the song’s meaning. Incidentally, the B-side was a song called “When Will This Be Over?”
The very last B-side song before the 45 rpm became commercially extinct was Paul Simon Keith Phartuccio’s cover of “Tiptoe Through The Tulips”, sung in a basso baritone.
“45 RPM” is a Tom Petty tribute band. They only know three songs though, and none of them are by Petty, so it’s a bit of a washout.
“Zombie-ie-ie, Oh” Is a Cranberries tribute band. Unfortunately, the only song that they can play is “Linger” so they haven’t actually got many gigs yet.
“Cranb-ie-ie, Oh” is a Zombies tribute band, known for their three big hits “She’s Not All There”, “Tell Her No Fucking Way” and “Time of the Holiday Season,” a huge hit back is late December 2013.
In a wide-ranging interview set to air this Sunday, Orson Bean tells Access Hollywood that he was abducted by aliens from Deneb VII on Christmas Day, December 25, 2013. They asked him to wrap all of their Christmas presents, which he did, and in gratitude they not only did not subject him to an anal probe, but promised him he would eventually become a Straight Dope meme.
And now you can find Orson Bean every St. Swithin’s Day, riding a flying Lombardy Pudding Elk high above the Mariana Trench, and shouting out a hearty “Hi, Opal!”
Several Dopers who wish to remain anonymous tried contacting Opal via seance so they could tell her “Hi Opal” from beyond the grave. She told them to get a life and disappeared.
Those Dopers then played Rio by Duran Duran for 24 hours straight, earning them a place in Orson Bean’s book of “Records Too Dumb for Guinness.”
Duran Duran was originally named Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Phartuccio Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran, but their agent told them that printing concert posters would be too expensive.
The new year of the Dwarfs’ calendar was the last cycle of the Moon to begin in autumn, or in Thorin’s words “the first day of the last moon of Autumn on the threshold of Winter”. When on this day both the Sun and Moon may be seen in the sky together, it is called Duran’s Day. The Moon-letters written on the Thrór’s Map predicted that on Duran’s Day the last light of the Sun as night fell would reveal the secret door into the Horny Mountain.
Honey Mountain’s singing career stagnated when people kept confusing her with porn actress Horny Mountains. It didn’t help that they’re identical twins.
Post Foods had to hastily rename their “Cocoa Coconuts” cereal after they were informed that was the name of an African-American porn actress.
Nitpick: “Dwarves’” or “Dwarven” (and yes, I know what this thread is called).
In play:
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The Post Office is neither a post nor an office. It is a station.