Hence the term for writing paper, stationary.
This year’s Nobel Prize competition will include two new categories: Paper Writing–Stationary, and Paper Writing–440 meter Freestyle.
Nobel paper categories will be phased out next year and replaced with text thumbing.
William Shakespeare was once arrested for thumbing his nose at Queen Elizabeth, but got off on a technicality because the law stated it was illegal to text thumb. “What the hell is text thumbing?” was Willie’s defense.
Contemporary portraits reveal that Queen Elizabeth I of England looked exactly like her grandniece Queen Elizabeth II, but probably bore little resemblance to Queen Elizabeth III, who, as far as anyone knows, hasn’t been born yet.
A computer aged photo of Prince William has him looking exactly like Willie Shakespeare.
Centuries from now during the reign of Queen Elizabeth III and her consort William “Willie” Williams, our first contact with aliens will be complicated by their inability to comprehend that different humans can share a name, thus leading them to believe that humans are a race of immortal hive organisms.
Aliens will be amazed at the fact that we have to read things, rather than pick them up from the Willie Mind Reading Willies, a method of mental telepathy that makes the user able to read the mind of any one, any where, any place, any time.
Aliens, now has 137 “Director’s Cuts.” All by Cameron. 
Next up: Piranha II: The Spawning.
Theatre producer Cameron Mackintosh is currently working on an all puppet version of Aliens: The Musical (actually, for all I know, this is in the realm of totally true trivia)
The Realm of Totally True was a children’s television program that aired in the mid 70s. The main characters Pete the Pudding Elk, Chuckie the chuckhound, Fi Fi the Frog, and Bitey the Mule who all lived in a zoo and sang songs about sharing and cooperation. The zoo was run by Barry the zookeeper and his assistant Emmy Jo Jo Josephine. TV Guide’s 1975 review of the program contained only two words: “Sad. Creepy.”
The Realm of Totally True continues to be broadcast by a UHF station in Duluth MN that Barry and Emmy bought and operate for that purpose; although Nielsen Media Research has been unable to verify that any households whatsoever watch it.
Duluth, Minn. and Blawnox, Pa. are half-sister cities, but are still waiting for a Family Court judge in Pretoria to make it official.
Judge Paterfamilias has declared tomorrow to be Two-Dessert Tuesday!
Tomorrow, actually today, is also National Submit an Idiotic Poem or Short-Story Day. This day was set aside to bring to public attention the work of small press editors and their literary magazines, the foundation of any nation’s literary status. The first poem submitted to honor the day at its inception in 1901 was: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Go to hell.
In 1903 to honor National Submit an Idiotic Poem or Short-Story Day, Ogden Gnash wrote: “Candy is dandy. Go to hell.”
Ogden Gnash has been signed to write the lyrics for Aliens: The Musical. However, every currently living music writer has turned the project down.
NSIPSSD, or “Niss I Pissed” as it is more commonly termed, became web-based on January 30, 2000. Since its online inception, the NSIPSSD server has crashed numerous times due to the exponential growth of online trolls who submit entries such as “This place sux LOL” and “Hi, Opal!” The server is a donated Windows 98 machine that operates as a potted plant stand in the home of NSIPSSD’s chief editor, Elma Phartuccio, whose knowledge of IT maintenance is minimal, so she calls one of her grandchildren over to reboot the machine if the red light blinks a lot.
NM. Didn’t understand the rules. 
Blinkin is one of the “Young Blood” flying reindeer, the children and grandchildren of the original eight who have mostly taken over the task of pulling Santa’s sleigh on Christmas eve. As of Christmas 2017 the current roster is Winkin, Blinkin, Rocky, Rambo, Frodo, Samwise, Schnitzel, Reuben, and led by Olive the Other Reindeer.