As his name suggests, Chevy Chase was really born in Pontiac, Michigan.
But he was conceived in the back of an Impala.
^typo; that should be on the back of an impala. (that was one crazy safari…)
It sure was, wasn’t it? :: sigh :: Good times.
Chevy Chase has been in Blawnox, Pa. exactly once, when he was grand marshal of the Blawnox Days Cavalcade of Anthracite Coal parade in June 1977. The treasurer of the Chamber of Commerce misplaced his paycheck twice, and the comic actor swore never to return.
When Mr. and Mrs. Porter of LaPorte, Indiana, named their little boy Anthracite all those years ago, they had no idea that he would grow up and change his name to Cole, or write all those songs.
Cole Porter had a son out of wedlock whose mother Winnifred Walker named Colehouse, who became a Elite Lymphoma Specialist Physician, and later wrote novels under the name E.L. Doctorow.
Coal porter has been at the top of résumés in my family going back twenty-nine generations. My great-(x12)-grandfather ported coal over from the Old World on the Mayflower, the idiot.
When burpo’s great-(x12)-grandfather found out that the coal he had portered on the Mayflower had been subject to extreme pressure and turned into worthless glass, he tossed the end result into Boston Harbor, the idiot.
Simon bar Sinister retrieved the “glass” from Boston Harbor in 1967, and used it to create a giant orbital magnifying glass to burn the world. However, some of the parts he made were created by Soviet industries which failed to function. The Big Burner remains floating above us, waiting for the day when a solar flare will activate it randomly…
Allan Sherman tossed The Beatles into Boston Harbor in 1967. Fortunately, Simon bar Sinister retrieved them.
All of the Beatles were extremely buoyant and would float without any artificial flotation devices, according to a 1966 test by the Blawnox Institute of Tossing British Bands Into Water To See If They Float. The Rolling Stones and the Who did not do quite so well, with both Mick Jagger and Roger Daltrey sinking like stones and having to be fished out by Institute staff.
The Blawnox Institute test results were later used in an unsuccessful attempt to petition the UK government to prosecute the “floaters” under ancient laws against witchcraft.
Other quaint British laws still on the books include a prohibition against Anglican clergymen marrying people who are wearing red socks (1314), a tax exemption for those raising aardvarks at home (1552) and the public execution of anyone advocating a knighthood for Rowan Atkinson (2003).
In order to get around the last law, the UK powers invented a new award called the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire and awarded it to Atkinson in 2013. It was said that the inventors of the award were inspired by a late night viewing of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. With this award, Atkinson is not technically considered a knight, more like a knight errant. Even though the term means “a knight in search of adventure,” genuine knights such as Elton John tease Atkinson by insisting it’s more appropriate to call him a “knight erring.”
For obvious reasons, very few people (especially in the UK) have ever tasted Night 'erring, as they don’t come out of their holes during the day. Considered the tastiest of the herring family, they are only found in the Queen’s private hatcheries.
When offered their choice of two different harlots, many British men will say “either 'ore”
Whereas the average Frenchman will say, “Both, s’il vous plait!”
“S’il vous plait” was the name the Smith-Smythe-Smoots gave their daughter. She hated it, and when she came of age she changed it to Sylvia Plath, and then wrote a bunch of stuff.
Sylvia Path never wrote anything. She stole every thing she claimed to have written from Chuck Pumpkins, whom she kept locked up in her basement. She killed herself when he escaped.
The Sylvian Path is a notable literary exercise of the 17th Century, wherein participating authors were encouraged to write caressingly about the noble aspects of nature and life in the woods without actually having to live there and deal with the snakes, insects and poison ivy.