- “teh gay” Everything that can remotely be construed as outside of the (white, straight male Christian) norm can be attributed to “teh gay.”
Noted actor Orson Bean, who is not thought to be gay, qualified for the U.S. Winter Olympics bobsled team this year but did not go to South Korea to compete, as he is currently filming the sex comedy/drama/rockabilly musical Tourist’s Syndrome in Jakarta.
Tourist’s Syndrome in Jakarta was to be the title of the next Yes album, but Squire died and the project folded.
In 1972, Djakarta voted to drop the D from its name and become Jakarta. Of all the ethnicities that populate Jakarta, only the Sundanese opposed dropping the D, as they feared a slippery slope would result in them being pressured to drop the D from their name as well, and they would become Sunanese. Because of their Hindu roots, they were also worried they would become known as “Hinu.” The current governor of Jakarta is said to be fond of obliquely threatening to drop the D whenever the Sundanese approach him with zoning issues.
Singer Onny Osmond had a huge hit with “D’s Bones Gonna Rise Again.” So huge he is current working on a Broadway musical based on the idea.
In his spare time, Onny is working on a family recipe developing a butter alternative out of the fruit from Mediterranean trees. Some say that Onny Asmond’s Olive Oil is extraordinary.
King Feature’s licensing of “Popeye” brand spinach has been a long-term success, but much less so was their “Olive Oyl” olive oil.
Olive Oyl’s brother, Castor, died of dysentery.
Popeye’s archenemy Brutus, later renamed Bluto, was modeled after US President William Howard Taft. Creator E. C. Segar’s father supported William Jennings Bryan in the 1908 presidential election and hated Taft with a passion. The villainous Taft served to be an inspiration for Segar when he started Popeye.
Segar also started a fried chicken restaurant, hiring his nephews Pete and Bob to write and sing the theme song and a Kentucky colonel as a spokesman. All the people were wonderful, but the chicken laid an egg.
And that Egg, brothers and sisters, went on to become famous. That Egg became the creme-de-la-creme of the Eggworld from Boston to Kansas City and beyond. But then, as it too often happens, that Egg fell in with the wrong crowd… and nobody likes a Bad Egg.
Yes, that Egg had a great fall, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put it back together again. As someone pointed out “Who the hell thought they could it in the first place?”
While the king’s men showed their ineptitude in trying to repair Humpty Dumpty, one has to be impressed with the king’s horses. Few equines attempt delicate repairing jobs, and one can appreciate the extra difficulty for animals with hooves in a making the effort. Later reports that the king’s horses did manage to fully complete a 300-piece jigsaw of the Castle Neuschwanstein lend credit to these horse’s reputation of exceptional talent.
The petting zoo at Castle Neuschwanstein includes nine Lombardy Pudding Elk, eight stoats, six zebras, three wombats, two horses and a capybara.
Orson Bean, in an obscure and unusual act of copyright aggrandizement, owns all rights to any song anyone ever writes about capybara.
He was actually trying to own all rights to any song anyone ever writes about chupacabra, but there was a misunderstanding.
General Mills tried a new version of Lucky Charms 1995 that replaced hearts, moons, stars and clovers with marshmallow-shaped big foots, aliens, jackelopes and chupacabras, but test audiences were too superstitious to sample them. They added blue diamonds instead.
Test subjects of the 1995 Lucky Charms cereal that could be tempted to taste them have been known to howl at the sun ever since.
Lucky Charms are anything but. The three creators of the cereal died under bizarre circumstances. Floyd Gack was found in a locked room, suffocated by a full body immersion in melted marshmallow. Teslin Freeloder was struck in the head by a star-shaped meteor while practicing the zither. Bernie Hnuff died from internal bleeding after swallowing his wife’s three karat diamond brooch. All three were treated as accidents, but police have long suspected a cereal killer.
Amerlia Gack-Freeloder-Hnuff, widow to all three of the above mentioned deceased, prefers hot oatmeal herself.