Amerlia Gack-Freeloder-Hnuff has been married a total of six times, but only three were to children’s sugar cereal inventors; the other, later three were to a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker and a dog polisher. Having run out of room on her business cards, she did not take any of their names.
Amerlia Gack-Freeloder dropped the third last name, stating that two was Hnuff.
Amerlia Gack-Freeloder’s ancestor, Tiberius Olivier Magnum, got his nickname from agreeing to load ships for free if he could take a cruise on them. He later became know as T.O.M. Freeloader Cruise.
Cruise ships are required, under the terms of the Law of the Sea Treaty, to always carry a doctor, a chaplain, a dog polisher and the dried hoof of a Lombardy Pudding Elk.
Some unscrupulous souls in management try to get around that by sending a case of Charlie Chaplin brand dog polish (made from the reconstituted hoof of a Lombardy Pudding Elk). If caught, they are sent to Detroit.
Tourist’s Syndrome can be treatment via vaccine. Unfortunately, the current inoculations cover a mere 2% the current infections. In other words, Tourist’s Syndrome is rampant and is infecting the crowds at Pyeongchang.
“Pyeongchang” is the Korean word for “paradise of grossly overpriced Olympic tourist memorabilia with no resale value regardless of how long you wait before going on eBay.”
“Trapper” Tim McIntire played Daniel “Pyeong Chang” Caine–Keith Carradine’s character’s brother–on “Kung Pao: The Next Generation.”
Daniel “Pyeong Chang” Caine’s martial arts skills included hand-to-hand combat, lethally-sharp origami folding and income tax consulting services that would bore even the most implacable enemy to death.
Caine’s novel The Ninja’s Guide to Origami Audits was the inspiration for the movie Animal House. But without the fun.
In the initial screenplay for Animal House, the movie was set at the University of South Korea at Seoul, Bluto was the unacknowledged bastard son of dictator Synghman Rhee and the climactic parade was on Kim Jong Il’s birthday.
After the success of the movie Animal House, National Lampoon looked to franchise rights to the movies across the globe for international versions of the movie and even struck tentative deals with the countries of Belize, Papua New Guinea, and Wakanda.
Tronald Dump, Wakanda’s recently appointed Minister of Tourism, has announced a free vibranium-lined fez for all tourists who register to apply to attend the country’s Big Government Blowout Sale in April.
Wakanda really does exist. Although it is actually just half the size of the hidden high-tech African kingdom shown in the hit superhero movie Black Panther, it boasts a Burger Chef franchise for every 45.2 inhabitants.
Many adult sex toy manufacturers have shown interest in procuring assets of Wakanda’s unique mineral Vibranium, so that they could market “Vibraniators.” Their selling point would have been the potentially infinite longevity of the product, and would have used “Wakanda” as a skin tone. Initial development plans determined the price per unit of Vibraniators would have cost several million dollars each, which would at best attract a truly niche clientele. None of Wakanda’s tribal leaders were conducive to the idea, so the project went limp.
Another fresh sex toy out on the market is the new Hasbro Buttsnorkle, which is basically a gas mask with a tube running out of it, and then down, and then up your exit area, making the perfect gift for new year’s eve celebrations, christenings, oil changes, Rodeo Night, dance dance revolution.
Every single (and some allegedly “married”) homosexual couple has attended at least one of the following: new year’s eve celebrations, christenings, oil changes, Rodeo Night, dance dance revolution. Obviously, such events cause “teh gay” and should be banned.
According to calendar scholars, New Year’s Eve is not the last night of the old year. That was the previous night. This inconsistency needs to change either by moving the day or moving the celebration, but the scholars are not in agreement on which method to use. Their discussion always turns bitter.
It is said that on New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of twelve, ventriloquist dummies gain the power of free speech and movement for the hour. Which is why Jeff Dunham always double-checks the locks on his “little people’s” cases before heading to a celebration. The one time he didn’t Walter put rat poison in his sugar jar, Bubba drank all the beer and Peanut tied a string to the front door with the other end tied around the trigger of a shotgun. Fortunately for Jeff, Achmed (who had left by the back door) came in the front door first, and then tried to shake off the gunshot blast by having coffee with lots of sugar and cream. Jose Jalapeno just laughed and laughed.
Avenue Q is based on a New Year’s Eve production of Sesame Street, and the New Year’s production of the musical is so popular that tickets are sold out years in advance.