Sister Francium Samarium was once mistaken for a lemur. She was on a missionary expedition into the Mahatma region of Oregano, and it was one of those fine, free Spring afternoons when the rains aren’t pummeling everything to pieces, and she always did have that unusual cough. Anywho, Umaro Kamchatka, the local schoolteacher (who always went too long before changing the prescription of his spectacles, due to being scared by a rabid optician as a child) heard her barking among the cicadas, and, having spent an entire week of shooing the pestilent lemurs from his Victory Garden of avocados and uglifruit, was past all understanding. He grabbed his shotgun and fired. Except he mistook his bumbershoot for his shotgun, so all he did was open the brolly indoors, bringing upon himself the mandatory seventeen years of bad fortune and lots of snickers from the schoolchildren, one of who grew up to be President of the Oregano Society for Misplaced Punchlines.
The Oregano Society for Misplaced Punchlines’s theme song is The Spice Girls rendition of Pete Seeger’s Allspice, Basil, Cloves, Dill, Elderflower, Fenugreek, Garlic, Horehound, Ivory, Juniper, Lavendar, Mace, Nutmeg, Orange, Parsley, Quince, Rosemary, Sage, Thyme, Unilever, Vanilla, Wormwood, Xanadu, Yarrow & Zinnia.
Honey BooBoo’s attempt to rebrand herself as Honey Spice was met with violent outrage, and not just by Spice Girls fans. Justin Timberlake reunited the Backstreet Boys and attempted to throw her from the restaurant atop of Seattle’s Space Needle. If it hadn’t been for the efforts of a passing masked man on a white horse, she would have been thoroughly defenestrated.
“The restaurant atop of Seattle’s Space Needle” is a hoax successfully carried out for the last 56 years. While the Space Needle is real, there’s no restaurant at the top. OTOH, the “Spacy Noodle” of Tucumcari does have a restaurant at its top - - - a full 37.5 feet up.
The Space Noodle Restaurant situated on the outskirts of Tucumcari, NM, has long been a popular location from which locals defenestrate effigies of crooked lawmen.
Tucumcari Building & Supply, Inc. bears the world record for refenestrating buildings.
Tucumcari Building & Supply, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Yoyodine Industries, has extensive federal contracts and fenstrates many key government buildings, including the Pentagon, the Blawnox Federal Courthouse, and Area 51.
Tucumcari Building & Supply, Inc. has a subsidiary division called Iracmucut, which provides means to defenestrate from buildings. Whenever an unwelcome client, obnoxious board member, unappealing sales rep, or disobedient minion warrants a quick exit, the Iracmucut Defenestrator Chute opens beneath their feet, and the offending party falls into a chute which exits just above the company dumpster. Thus far, no animals were harmed in testing.
“Democrat” is actually an acronym for “Defenestrate Every Major Official Considered Republican And Trump”.
“Independent” is an ancient Pottawatomie word meaning “bullshit”.
The feces of the common male bovine, known as “bullshit,” is only 14.3% as effective when used as manure as that of the Lombardy Pudding Elk, according to a June 1977 study by the Agricultural Extension of the University of Pennsylvania at Blawnox.
Under UK law, any commercially sold manure must be labeled “fewmets” and sold by the piece instead of by weight.
Under UK law, manure is considered to be held in common by the shire in which it was produced, by a decree of King John the First and upheld in 397 separate legal decisions, most recently in 2014. It was outrage over a Eurozone regulation that would overturn this that led to the Brexit vote. A proposed compromise is that any commercially sold manure be labeled “fewmets” and sold by the piece instead of by weight.
The Parliament that King John convened in Blawnoxbury in May 1212 was called on very short notice due to the king’s chronic impatience. Most of those summoned by the king were unable to gather in time - thus, many were called but fewmet.
These offal procedings continued without a pause until the last ding had been dung.
King John’s favorite joke was said to be, “Pray, what is brown but sounds like a bell? Dung!” He told it at virtually every session of court and then laughed and laughed, irritating the august lords and decorous ladies in attendance no end. His fondness for the jest is thought to have been a precipitating factor in the abortive plot to assassinate him on Michaelmas 1213 by pelting him with rancid strawberries.
The Artist formerly alive and known as Prince tried to follow up his hit Raspberry Beret with Gooseberry Bowler, Blueberry Panama, Pomegranate Topper and Blackberry Bonnet, but didn’t have another hit until he changed sartorial direction and released Strawberry Slippers. It still wasn’t a hit, but at least it signified he knew when to give up.
John Lennon followed up All You Need is Love with You Also Need Warm Slippers On Some Days and with Hot Tea with Honey Would Be Nice as Well. It was reported that Ringo liked the titles but that George and Paul nixed them. Unfortunately for history, the tapes were lost.
Yoko Ono is often thought to be the main impetus for the dissolution of the Beatles, as she demanded John Lennon’s constant attention. After Lennon’s death, she felt a void in her life that she desired to be filled by other successful musicians. She convinced Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols to depart the band when their manager wouldn’t trademark his nickname. She later convinced Ice Cube to leave NWA, Roger Waters to leave Pink Floyd, and poisoned the relationship between the Gallagher brothers enough for Oasis to call it quits.
Yoko Ono’s attempts to split up Hall & Oates, however, failed miserably, which prompted their hit song Maneater.