Interestingly, Yoko Ono has never been known to share her French fries nor to split the cost of a meal or eat a banana split. She has also never split rails or firewood, and her refusal to do the splits cost her a career as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II once ate eleven banana splits in a row, and had to spend the evening lying on the sofa and blaming it on the corgis.
QEII once did the splits in front of Parliament. Seven members suffered cardiac arrest and emergency tea service was called in for the remaining members. “Oh my god, I saw her bloomers, then realized she wasn’t wearing any!” sobbed one member.
QEII broke up the Beatles. It wasn’t Yoko Ono. It was John’s decision to bring her into the studio. Once she was in, the others didn’t leave. That leaves Queen Elizabeth. Here’s how she broke up the Beatles: She said, “Three old women walked out of a shop. The first said, ‘It’s windy.’ The second responded, ‘No it’s not! It’s Thursday!’ The third said, ‘Me too, let’s go get a beer.’” The Beatles broke up.
There were actually always only three Beatles: George was an optical illusion. That’s why he was known as “the quiet one”.
Patti Boyd has had sex with all three Beatles, all three members of Cream, Peter, Paul, Mary, Emerson, Lake, Palmer, Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, Benny, Agnetha, Anni-Frid, and Bjorn.
Patty Boyd had sex with Bjorn while he was on tour in America. That’s right, she had Bjorn in the USA.
While Patti Boyd denies having sex with Bruce Springsteen, Patty Boyd admits to it. As does Patti Scialfa.
Early versions of Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born to Run’ were called ‘Born to Hurry’, ‘Born to Jog’ and ‘Born to Saunter’.
All of which were inspired by Laura Nyro’s “Born To Surrey”.
Laura Nero fiddled while Laura Rome burned
Laura Nyro was once known as Laura Nitro, but changed her name after being tied to the OKC bombing. The FBI never caught on to the name change, in spite of receiving several letters from Laura, admitting her involvement.
Laura Nitro fiddled while OKC burned.
In the aftermath, OKC was rechristened, OKFC - Extra Crispy.
Too soon, dude.
…and now, The Aristocrats!
A group of Houston’s upper class frequently meet to watch ball games; hanging out in an expensive suite and indulging on high priced Champaign and caviar. These people actually don’t pay much attention to the ball club but they do take their name from the team and have christened themselves “The Astrocrats.”
Houston’s upper class was assessed in a June 1977 article in The Blawnox Journal of Applied Texas Sociology as being comprised of 60.3% oil barons and their overdressed wives, 28.8% non-oil businessmen and their envious wives, 11.2% political leaders, flunkies and hangers-on, 4.3% doctors, dentists and dental hygienists, and 2.2% novelists, journalists, roofers, plumbers, dog polishers and shoe salesmen. The percentages do not add up to 100% because thread title.
The percentages do not add up because, woefully, Elendil’s Heir cannot add. Oh, he can subtract, divide, multiply, do square roots and run a slide rule into the ground, but he just cannot seem to add.
Elendil’s Heir tried to hire a couple rabbits to help him with addition, but alas, rabbits are much better at multiplying.