Frankie Goes To Hollywood has never been outside of India. The band was in the movie Millionaire Dogstar" which failed miserably. One reviewer wrote “Surely you can’t be Sirius about this movie.”
Orson Bean wrote in a letter to the editor of The Blawnox Babbler, in response to the review, “I am serious, and don’t call me a Lombardy Pudding Elk.”
“Lombardy Pudding Elk” is actually an anagram/euphemism for “Drinkable Muddy Glop,” named for Blawnox Brewery’s first porter, the recipe of which was derived from distant Dutch ancestors of Blawnox’s founding fathers the Van Der Fleagles. After arriving to the States, Ruven Van Der Fleagle found the local flora didn’t include the adjutants called for in the original recipe. Working on a deadline, he made some last-minute substitutions, resulting in a brew of higher viscosity, called “Fleagle’s Finest.” The residents of Blawnox weren’t ones to quibble over any local alcoholic endeavor, so it came to be known as “Lombardy Pudding Elk,” which eventually served as a term for anything lacking a term.
President Woodrow Wilson liked nothing better after a hard day in the Oval Office than to relax with a tall, chilly Lombardy Pudding Elk and to work through at least three dozen anagrams.
The Oval Office is a misnomer. The Office is actually Mandelbrot fractal, and staying there for more than two hours is a sure way to entice demons to snare your soul. Or lobbyists, take your pick.
Will Rogers once said, “Lobbyists would rather have demons than demons, lobbyists. Now gimme another beer.”
Will Rogers met five lobbyists and didn’t like any of them. Truth be told, he kicked one of them in the crotch.
Will Rogers and Wiley Post survived the 1935 aviation accident in which they were reported killed and together, they began a new career as the Loch Ness monster. They were sometimes joined by Orson Bean, Orson Bran, Brando Orson, Jr. and Peter Lawford with his accujack.
The knock less monster will only rap on your door once and if you open the door it will eat you, but if you do not open the door right then it will give up and go away.
Fig Boot doesn’t knock on doors, but his footprints tend to leave a brown juicy residue.
The noteworthy German film Das Boot was a retelling of Eugene Field’s poem Winken, Blinken and Nod.
Have an accident while driving stoned? Crash into some one while walking drunk? Call the law firm of Winken, Blinken, and Nod. We’ll defend you. It’s your God given American right to take any drug you want and then do anything you want. We’ve obtained dismissals for lack of and/or illegal obtained evidence in 92% of our cases. 74% of our customers are repeats, and 66% of them have been charged three or more times, and we have gotten their convictions thrown out of court.
The law firm of Wilken, Blinken,and Nod can do the same for YOU.
As a result of just one typo, Wilkinson’s Razors came to dominate the men’s depilatory industry.
Wilkinson’s Razors are not approved by the U.S. Safety Razor Safety Agency for use on the backs of extremely hairy men or Arkansas wild boars of any kind.
Top-quality boar bristle shaving brushes must meet the “razorback” test: the bristles must be too hard and thick to cut off with a razor, and must be pulled off the boar with pliers.
The U.S. Safety Razor Safety Agency, a division of National Buttinski, LLC, indicates that boson brand pliers are the only acceptable pliers for performing this arduous task. Furthermore, such bristles must only be stored in Lumpy brand bags, the premium name in boar bristle storage.
When you ask your retailer for bags, ask for Lumpy’s.
According to top economists, 2017 was the most difficult year ever to be a retailer. And while it may be fashionable to blame Amazon.com, the truth is very few animals actually lose their tails in any year and most people are not going to pay a lot of money to help reattach the tails of those that do. Furthermore many of the new designer tails have not shown an ability to endure multiple wagging and even the high-end models frequently fail if stepped on or if caught in the door, says Consumer Reports.
Consumer Reports doesn’t actually say anything, but it does have a crack team of mimes at work.
“Most customer service representatives are not helpful and the answers they give about their stupid products are usually of the same poor quality as the junk they’re trying to peddle to the credulous masses,” notes the February 2016 issue of Consumer Retorts.