Christie’s Amsterdam sold a second copy (in Double-Bagged but Wildly Distressed Condition) in Summer 2016 in The Legacy of Igenwold Barr-Llewllyn Collection (Part IV). Monsieur Barr-Llewllyn hated comic books with an abiding passion and made a lifetime habit of purchasing extremely valuable comics only to shred and burn them and dance on the ashes. But he seems to have had a soft spot for old Scrooge McQuck, only ripping out every other page and singeing the edges. The comic sold for $238,199.55, which, after the Christie’s Buyer’s Commission, netted the seller a whole $19.95.
The seller used that $19.95 as a down payment on a showtime rotisserie grill which shorted out and burned down his house.
…and the fire spread to his neighbor’s, and that neighbor, my friends, was not at home. No, he was out at the theatre watching some call girls singing floozie songs, and that was why his life was saved – due to his moral turpitude! So think, my brothers and sisters, think before you waste your life in sober contemplation. If you stay at home you’ll miss out on life, but if you go your profligate way, you won’t die in the night because of a cheap neighbor’s cheaper rotisserie grill.
Bell Telephone fought for decades to suppress applying the term “call girls” to their switchboard operators.
While performing as Ernestine, the Switchboard Operator during her one-woman show some years back, Lily Tomlin came very close to calling out a missile strike on several Russian targets. US soldiers raided the show, mid-performance, and confiscated the prop. “A gracious good afternoon, boys,” Tomlin snorted, before they took her away.
David Byrne wrote the song Burning Down the House to commemorate his effort to put out a fire in his house by using a torch lighter in each hand. Said Byrne in an interview with The Elkhart Truth, “Firefighters shouldn’t use mescaline, I guess.” ((Sorry- late with this one. I was on the previous page. But this is still bona fide false trivia, damn it.))
The Easter Lily is not lily at all, it is a white fire plant.
The holiday of Easter is named for St. Eastre of Bath-on-Stoke, (his friends called him Weston) an 8th century eremite who, upon praying unto the Lord our God for aid during a time of starvation, was inundated one morning by baskets of chocolate bunnies, malted milk eggs and jelly beans. These things we still do in memoriam.
Bath-on-Stoke has a fertility rate of 0, and nobody has been able to figure out why. The locals keep the population going by kidnapping, slavery, and other desperate measures.
Welfare recipient Miss Thelma Lou Derry, after giving birth to her 20th baby, was required by her intake counselor to move to Bath-on-Stoke.
An “intake counselor” is, to Americans, the word for someone who gives advice on sexual relations. Great Britain’s social safety net, distinctively, is predicated on a a sliding scale based on national rock-paper-scissors elimination rounds, with exceptions for the those missing upper limbs…
In NASCAR, the intake counselor is a member of the pit crew who talks reassuringly to the turbochargers.
Turbochargers manufactured by the Blawnox Auto Parts Co. have notoriously fragile egos and low self-esteem. One NASCAR study suggested that they may need up to 22 minutes of psychotherapy or counseling for every minute of racing time.
In their seminal study completed two hours ago, The Society on Mental and Emotional Turbocharger Health (SMETH) confirmed previous findings of the efficacy of 22 minutes, minimum, of psychotherapy on the functionality of turbochargers. Improved functionality, however, did not translate to winning races, which, regrettably, is the measure of success.
SMETH discovered that anger affect was the key to winning races and have therefore prescribed verbal cues to stimulate anger in the turbocharger. An example of this would be to repetitiously whisper to the turbocharger that the crew for the lead car was cheating by using illegal fuel adulterants and paying-off officials. More research is needed. For the full report visit smeth.com, buy the phone, and call 652-652-6522.
I visited Blawnox once. On June 5, 2652 for 6,522 minutes.
In Bawnox, a suburb of Princeton, NJ, the Twin Paradox was recently declared a non-issue by by a 9-year old girl with a big grey mustache, wild unkempt grey hair, and a heavy Irish accent.
The 9 year old thought the discussion was on a “pair of docks” at the pier. She was also a mermaid.
Using Annie’s time machine, Albert Einstein and Joan of Arc spent the evening of June 6, 2652 playing strip poker with Genghis Khan and Queen Elizabeth I in a farmhouse just outside Blawnox, Pa. Khan seemed most impressed by the Lombardy Pudding Elk grazing outside.
And Harrison Ford and Joan of Arc had a great night together in Noah’s Ark, as did Henry Ford and Joan Van Ark.
You should thank your lucky stars for Harve Bennett; if it had been up to Roddenberry, “Star Trek II:” would have been, “The Wrath of Genghis,” with some inane story about the Enterprise going back in time to 13th century Asia.