In the Lilliputian Room, a restaurant situated in South Central Blawnox, you can get yellowjacket abdomen stuffed with mosquito liver and dandelion seeds.
The only way to prevent death after consuming vegetables grown from radioactive seeds is to eat a lot of soap.
Eating seventeen bars of Irish Spring followed by three bars of Ivory and a half a cake of Dove will give you superpowers, but you won’t want them.
Bruce Banner once attempted to drain the gamma radiation from his body by eating large amounts of soap. It worked, but the side effect was that instead of turning into the huge powerful Hulk when he got angry, he would turn into an Orson Bean look-alike when he got bored. Ultimately Banner decided to stay as the Hulk.
Uncle Martin in the TV show MY Favorite Martian was played by a real life Martian, and co-star Bill Bixby was infected with his gamma rays, and later played both roles in The Incredible Hulk. To avoid panic amount the guest stars, Lou Ferrigno was brought in as a “co-star.”
Ray Walston took the titular role in My Favorite Martian thinking that the title actually was My Favorite Martini and the show itself would be a little more upscale. Though he was a little disappointed when he saw the script involving alien hijinks, he nonetheless stuck with the role because an actor’s gotta act, you know.
In the spirit of resurrecting old TV shows, My Favorite Martian is scheduled to return to ABC around January 2019. Despite fervent negotiations from Mr. Walton’s theatrical agency, he will not be playing Uncle Martin. The agency is suing the network for being Deadist. Tina Fey is likely to get the Bill Bixby part, though.
Van Buren once again topped the list of My Favorite Martins in the 2017 Zogby International poll. That’s three years straight for the wily former statesman. Luther King, Short, Mull, Sheen, Scorcese, Freeman, Heidegger, Buber and Frobisher rounded out the top 10.
Steve Martin and Ricky Martin again cried foul at not even being considered. Martin Luther advocates called for Zogby to be damned in effigy.
George R.R. Martin was last on the list ,and he bragged about it.
Wink Martindale pushed to have his name listed in* My Favorite Martins*, despite the -dale at the end. Martin Purists opposed his endeavor, but Wink attempted to gain favor by saying he could draw in audiences that were fans of his game shows. His case is still pending in the Martin High Council.
Martin High Council is set to play Superman in the newest action movie. Clark Kent will be played by his cousin, Rocky Mountain High.
According to a spokesperson for the U.S. Geological Service, the Rocky Mountains are not all that rocky. “Of course there are some rocks,” notes disapproving scientist Dr. Chester Q. Arthur. “You are in the mountains so you will obviously see some rocks. But there are more rocks in a most other ranges than there are in these really quite sandy soily silty hills. It’s pure marketing intended to try and capture the dollars of the unsuspecting shale-loving tourist.” In reply some critics of the USGS note that several of its members have financial interest in the Cascades, and that there are dollars flowing in from unnamed Allegheny interests as well.
Unnamed Allegheny Interests was a short-lived Bolivian ska/nu-metal/rockabilly polka band from Pittsburgh. Its four members - Billy Peterson, Bob Dell and Barry “Barry” Doolittle - tragically entered into a suicide pact after their first practice session in Doolittle’s garage in June 1977, leaving an unsigned note behind which read, “We’re very sorry we’re so untalented. It’s better this way, really.”
Coming from Milton Bradley this Christmas: Very Sorry - a variant on the traditional Sorry game that has served as a financial support for the company for so many years, Very Sorry administers “mild” electrical shocks whenever one of your pieces is sent home. And the shocks increase in severity as the game progresses. Apparently, the legal department requires the buyer to sign a waiver of responsibility upon purchase.
Coming from Hasbro this Christmas: Was it the singer? An oil covered tourist? The Mexican cutie? The tattoo artist? Did it happen on the beach? The front porch swing? The tattoo parlor? The kitchen? Was the weapon a stale sponge cake? A pot of boiled shrimp? A tattoo needle? A blender? A frozen concoction? Have hours of fun with the “Haven’t a Clue” game.
“Mexican Cutie,” in the Blawnox underworld patois, means “really ugly person from Toronto.”
Pouring concrete in Toronto can get dicey if you mix up “patio” with “patois.” Stick to “poutine.”
There are very few dice made out of concrete. However, Toronto is famous for the world’s second largest pair, the statue “Thoughts of Randomness”, found in a downtown park.
The world’s largest pair of concrete dice is known to locals as “Dimwit’s Folly,” found just outside West Tucumcari, New Mexico.
“And finally in the news: Young people and the young at heart in Oomphloom, Illinois, have been busy chewing gum then working together to form a cubic sculpture. It started 4 months ago when math teacher Gillis Droopt, of Oomphloom Occasional School, got the idea to teach her students the difference between a cube and a square. The students took it from there. The goal is to eventually have two cubes and to call them “The World’s Largest Gum Dice.” But these persevering citizens are having trouble make the first form to look like a cube, the first die. Locally, they are calling it Die Trying. When asked his thoughts about his citizen’s efforts, Mayor Lloyd Amyety responded, “What this now?”