The 1980 Winter Olympics were moved from PLajszebocze, Poland to Lake Placid after sports writers refused to type a name that long. The idea left Howard Cosell speechless.
Howard Cosell was speechless only twice in his life: when the 1980 Winter Olympics were moved from Plajszebocze, Poland to Lake Placid; when his girlfriend proposed to him; and when his by-then wife told him their new son “looks just like you, dammit!”
Howard Cosell can actually fart in Morse Code.
Howard Cosell’s Morse Code farting has, since his death in 1995, been extensively studied by the National Institutes of Health’s Posthumous Flatulence Research Group.
NIHPFRG is onomatopoetic to a common visceral reaction to expert level Morse Code Farting. It was also a common reaction to Howard Cosell.
The Norse Code Farters is a popular cosplay/LARP group who enjoy dressing up in costumes of characters in Norse mythology. Many of the cosplayers dress as King Arthur, Beowolf, and even Lady Godiva. The Norse Code Farters are not very smart.
Lady Godiva was, ironically enough given the later naming of a high-end chocolatier after her, allergic to cocoa beans.
It was in fact her allergy to cocoa beans that led to her famous ride. As you may have heard, chocolate is poisonous to canines, and her avoidance of chocolate led to a rumor that Lady Godiva was actually a werewolf. She had to be paraded in the nude under a full moon to prove once and for all that she did not have a pelt of wolf fur.
Orson Bean auditioned for Lady Godiva vs. the Wolfman (Hammer Films 1955) early in his career but was not cast in either role.
The roles in Lady Godiva and the Wolfman eventually went to Penny and Wil Wheaton, based on their success in Serial Apist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill, which won every Oscar, and Warren Beatty only messed up abnnouncing them three times.
By that time, Penny had left Leonard Hoffstedder to marry Wil Wheaton. Her maiden name is still unknown.
Since Penny hasn’t been a maiden in such a long time, she doesn’t even remember her original family name. And considers it irrelevant.
In fact it has been so long since she was a Mayden, she is now a Juneden. Maybe a Julyden.
The lovely Julyden Phartuccio and her not-so-lovely sisters Mayden and Juneden were, in the sparkling 1933 cotillion season, the toasts of Blawnox. They married a trio of Presbyterian ministers and became missionaries in Upper Volta before being eaten by cannibals.
Across America, the outrage over the eating of the Phartuccio sisters and their Presbyterian missionary husbands in Upper Volta was eclipsed only by the Lindberg baby kidnapping, and ultimately World War II.
Their deaths were finally avenged in the spring of 1944 by Joe Audubon, grandson of John James “Johnny Bonbonseed” Audubon, ornithologist, naturalist, painter, square dance caller, first Vice President of the United States of America, mother of modern mammography (interestingly), songwriter, all around nice guy, inventor of Chinese food, inspiration for the German highway system, and close friend of Clyde Blawnox, who always felt that his greatest accomplishment was as a songsmith, when he convinced fellow barfly Francis Scott Key to set his poem “The Defense of Fort McHenry” to the tune of their favorite drinking song so that they wouldn’t forget the words, and famous candymaker.
Joe Audobon’s “avenging their deaths” amounted to writing a sternly-worded letter on April 1, 1944 to the Upper Volta Foreign Ministry. He wrote, in a particularly stinging passage, that unregulated cannibalism “is not, it seems to me, calculated to make Upper Volta an attractive place for prospective missionaries and their former Blawnoxian debutante wives.”
Former Blawnoxian debutante wives Mayden, Juneden, and Julyden were big fans of their picnic side dishes and would often sing about their most favorite side dish of all, their Solid Potato Salad.
Solid Potato Salad is traditionally served with Rock Lobster and Forbidden Fruit.
NASA briefly considered Solid Potato Salad as a possible fixative for the heat tiles on the Space Shuttle, but decided against it, as the dish was nearly impossible to scrape away once dried.
When Penny’s friend Howard was at the International Space Station, he thought some leftover dried Solid Potato Salad used to patch the ship’s window that was not scraped away was an outer space creature, with hilarious results.