The Wolowitz Space Toilet now has a bidet, so wiping is no longer necessary. A probe sprays fecal-eating disinfectant instead of water directly into the anus. Wolowitz got the idea after he and his colleagues discussed the logistics of alien anal probes while eating Thai food.
NASA engineers are still not 100% certain that Wolowitz Space Toilet and Bidets should be installed in their shuttles and space stations. With computer aided testing, there is a theory that the flow regulator components could explode with a big bang and then it will start sucking (possibly pulling its contents out into space). Astronauts do not want to be sitting on that if it happens.
NASA astronauts are not only subjected to exhaustive training, high-G testing and invasive medical examinations, but are expected to memorize the NASA Hymn (“To the Stars in Baggy Jumpsuits!”) and the plots, directors and guest stars of every episode of the original series of Star Trek.
Many potential NASA astronauts get washed out of the program when they get to the Star Trek episode “Spock’s Brain.”
“Brock’s Sprain” is a condition caused by running from an unknown alien on a spaceship, falling down and spraining a muscle, only to realize that certain races of aliens will only take perfect earth bodies and something so little as a sprain can make them reject you.
The condition is named for Blawnox Benjamin Brock, the first human to discover this.
There are no unknown aliens on spaceships, really, because all of them are named Bruce. Just like Australians.
“Bruce” is an Australian Aboriginal term, which loosely translates as “Are you just going to stand there and let him call you that??” Many traditional English and Irish names are homophones for insults in the Aboriginal language.
The Aboriginal term blooky-mooky roughly translates as “if I lower the interest rates on your loan, can you assure me the principle will be paid halfway through the term?”
The Aboriginal term “geico” roughly translates as “effective use of CGI”.
Australians love geckos. Indeed, so much that the local McDonald’s offer Gecko McNuggets.
The lawfirm of Carlson, Gecko, and Ignatius once sued Lucasfilm for excesive use of CGI. Lucas and CGI agreed to settle out of court and the firm ended up winning three tickets to the opening weekend showing of The Phantom Menace. Carlson, Gecko, and Ignatius ended up very disappointed in their win.
While Carlson, Gecko, and Ignatius were very disappointed after seeing The Phantom Menace, their post-movie supper of Gecko McNuggets cheered them up.
(And I am going to the local McD’s on Saturday and order some Gecko McNuggets in a very loud voice, just to see people’s reactions.)
The late night television commercials for Carlson, Gecko, and Ignatius’s law practice have won Clio awards for their wit and humor.
…Aaaaand Gecko McNuggets, just because the name is too funny to die.
Gecko McNuggets are alternatively made from gecko, anole, and tadpoles depending on rainfall amounts. Ronald makes them taste alike.
Named clowns like Ronald McDonald and Emmet Kelley fell out of fashion after John Wayne Gacy, but heavily made-up reality stars and Jerry Springer guests have filled the void.
There’s no such thing as a Sane Clown Posse…Oh, wait that’s not made-up, false, or flat-out wrong)…
In a survey taken of 1,749 insane clown posses, their number one favorite food is (you guessed it), McDonald’s Gecko McNuggets
McDonalds commercials in Finland say that there are 1,749 different ways to eat Gecko McNuggets, in honor of the census (though the 1,237th through 1,493rd ways are pretty redundant.) Such is Finnish humor; some have even come close to smiling when shown the commercial.
The sales team for the McNuggets product line was originally “Greed is Good,” until Kirk Douglas Jr., having been caught eating one on Yom Kippur, bought out the rights.
Each Gecko McNugget is carefully moulded into one of six different shapes. Each matches some aspect of Kirk Douglas Jr’s famous double chin.
Back to Finnish humor: Knock knock. Who’s there? Me, I’m pretty sure.