Renegade rodeo clowns have infiltrated several police departments across the nation. They can be identified by pie holsters on their belts. The pies are usually reserved for politicians….but not always.
Politicians have loved pie since the very beginning of this great republic. George Washington loved cherry pie; Abraham Lincoln was said to be quite partial to cinnamon apple. Calvin Coolidge was the sole known exception among 20th century Presidents; he once told a reporter for American Pie Weekly that “pie is an abomination unto God and, mark my words, I will not have it in my White House.”
The February 3, 1959 issue of American Pie Weekly revealed a recipe for American Pie submitted by a young unknown newspaper boy who signed his name D. McLean. The recipe included buck, a pink carnation, moss, thorny crowns, birds, grass and sweet perfume, cooked over a fire and basted with whiskey and rye.
The editors agreed that it was the worst recipe ever submitted to the magazine, and suggested that Mr. McLean had no future as a cook or any kind of writer, and suggested he stick to delivering newspapers.
The best recipe American Pie Weekly ever published was for Tuscany Custard Deer Pie, submitted by Levon Pforbuccio Zox, my great-grand aunt’s former husband’s niece’s second-best friend.
Levon’s son was Jesus Zox, who wanted to go to Venus.
At one time Jesus and Venus did get to know each, in a very Biblical way.
The Holy Order of Jesus and Venus has three members, all of them dead, according to a June 1977 article in Obscure Religious Sects Quarterly. The scholarly literature reveals no reference to the group since then.
Obscure Religious Sects Quarterly is supposed to come out quarterly but someone forgot to publish it last month. Some people think Roger accidentally kicked the power cord to the printing presses and it’s all his fault but Roger says that he wasn’t even there when the magazine didn’t even print.
Roger Rogers Rogerson, the aforementioned assistant editor of Obscure Religious Sects Quarterly, was an only child, but was born as the youngest of triplets. He became an only child after killing and eating his two brothers. Tried in the Blawnox Juvenile Court, he was acquitted on the grounds of “they really were quite yummy.” The judge took him out to lunch after announcing the verdict but never returned to court.
Roger Rogers Rogerson refuses to have renegade rodeo clowns for dinner because (you guessed it) “they taste funny.”
Blawnox resident, theological editor, former triplet member, juggler, philatelist, amateur geologist, acquitted murderer and suspected cannibal Roger Rogers Rogerson supposedly refuses to eat Lombardy Pudding Elk because “they taste elky.”
Blawnox resident, theological editor, former triplet member, juggler, philatelist, amateur geologist, acquitted murderer and suspected cannibal Roger Rogers Rogerson recorded a lovely rendition of Afternoon Delight, putting his own spin on the lyrics:
Gonna find my baby, gonna cook her right
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto’s always been ‘when it’s right, it’s right’
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everyone’s a little tastier in the light of day
And we know the meat is always gonna be there any way
Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of eatin’ you is getting so exciting
Roger’s rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Roger Rogers Rogerson is the strongest contender in decades to unseat acting Blawnox mayor Hoobert Herver, who has remained in office for 57 years despite never being formally elected, having stalled the last 15 elections on technical grounds.
Late Breaking News! Roger Rogers Rogerson accidentally tripped over a pile of Legos and has fallen down the stairs, breaking his neck and ending his life. Blawnox officials are even now debating as to whether this disqualifies him from running. The Legos were from the official Death Star set.
A transgender, transsexual conjoined bisexual biracial bigamist Christian Powerball lottery winner stripper genius professional rodeo clown nuclear scientist who goes by the name Death Star is now running for Blawnox mayor. Current Blawnox mayor Hoobert Herver is confident that he will win against this opponent, stating “Running this town is not nuclear science.”
Rolando Muscilago Oswaldensis Nuclear-Science does not run Blawnox. He runs Marathons; Marathons, Kansas, that is.
Death Star, a transgender, transsexual conjoined bisexual biracial bigamist Christian Powerball lottery winner stripper genius professional rodeo clown nuclear scientist and, yes, and mayor-elect of Blawnox has decided to resume is current job of ticket-taker at Tiny Tykes Tricycle Decoration Competition. He/she has nothing else to do until inauguration day.
Rodeo clowns are tremendously underpaid, but it doesn’t matter. They do it for Art.
The first art Happenings in the late 1950s were performed my rodeo clowns using a combination of balsa 2x4s, fulcrums, and pies. That Happening went on for a full 45 seconds. John Cage accompanied them.
My Rodeo Rocket Scientist Clowns is a art happening rock group that includes George Cooper Jr on guitar, George Harrison on bass, George Lennon on rhythm guitar, George McCartney on piano, and George Starkey on drums. All their songs are written by Sheldon Lee and Amy Farrah Fowler Cooper.