“Amy Farrah Fowler Cooper” is a pen name. It’s located in Blawnox, and Jesus Pfardentrot Zox uses it to keep Northumbrian vicuña.
“Northumbrian Vicuña,” is Mike (“Tubular Bells”) Oldfield’s newest album–his 83rd. Eighty-fourth if you count, “Take Four,” his (putative) Christmas album.
Conspiracy theorists postulate scores, if not hundreds, of “secret” or “suppressed” Christmas albums by such varied groups and persons as The Beatles, Ozzy Osbourne, Malcolm X, Richard Nixon, Queen Elizabeth II, Fidel and Raoul Castro, The Unibomber, and William Gates.
At last it can be told! The true story of Baby Jesus and The Three Wise Men.
It started when the TWM were going to pay tribute to King Herod. On the way, they stopped to rest in a stable, only to find it was occupied by a couple who had jut had a screaming, poppy baby. They continued on their way to the palace and their audience with the king.
“What have you brought me for a Christmas present?” asked Herod.
“A bottle of the finest scotch” said Johnnie Walker, the first wise man.
“Why, that is better than gold” said Herod. “And you?” he asked the second wise man.
“A bottle of the finest whisky,” said Jack Daniels, the second wise man.
“Why, that arouses my franken senses” said Herod. “And you?” he asked the thir wise man.
“A bottle of the finest bourbon,” said Jim Beam, the third wise man.
“I love that myrrh and myrrh” said Herod.
However, when Herod opened the bottles ,all that was in them was some cheap, rotgut red wine. When he threatened to kill the wise men, they said “We stopped at a stable with a couple and a newborn child. The bottles must have been switched.”
“Yeah, right” said Herod. “Or maybe the newborn boy turned all the great booze into cheap wine.” And he killed Jack, Johnny, and Jim. And, for good measure, all the newborns in the kingdom.
The End.
^^[roflmao]
^^[bravisimo!]
The Grateful Dead Newborns was a power trio out of Boise that had Herod, Heysoos, and Hiram Walker on drums. They placed only one song on the charts: Oy Vey in a Manger.
Thank you. I’ve been waiting to use that one for a while. It came to me from a hearing of a drink called The Three Wise Men–equal amounts scotch, bourbon and whiskey.
In play: A jukebox musical based on the works of the Grateful Dead Newborns is scheduled to open next season. However, there will be no Friday night or Saturday matinee performances.
The musical is planned to open in the Blawnox Bijou, a former vaudeville hall shuttered since 1892 after a series of mysterious murders and rumored to be haunted every since. Said producer Mort Omens “what could possibly go wrong?”
Mort Omens is a fanfic mash-up combining Terry Pratchett’s Mort and Pratchett and Gaiman’s Good Omens.
{Dear **** I hope that’s Flat-Out Wrong!}
Terry Gaiman and Neil Pratchett are planning a Halloween wedding, the first wedding to be held in the Blawnox Bijou, a former vaudeville hall shuttered since 1892 after a series of mysterious murders and rumored to be haunted every since, despite the fact that the fundamentalist Bijoux Jewels of God’s Church is located next door and plans to protest. “What could possibly go wrong?” is a quote from both of the grooms.
The pastor of The Bijoux Jewels of God’s Church, Simeon St. Stupor, had a vision in a dream where the Lord spoke to him in the form of a stoat, and sayeth: “Ummmmmm, no.” From carefully calibrated interpretation of this declamation, Mr. St. Stupor hath wreaked his fury on numerous sinners, most notably RuPaul, Orson Bean, Kristen Stewart and Oprah Winfrey. Oh, yes, and he supports the president whole-stoatedly.
The Bijoux Jewel’s of God’s Church will have the world premiere on December 2th of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice’s newest musical “Donald Trump and the Amazing Whole-Stoaded Dream Toupee.”
A stoat once bit my sister…
Stoat Toast is even more common in certain regions of Wales that Welsh [del]Rabbit[/del] Rarebit.
Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit, The White Rabbit, The Velveteen Rabbit, Peter Rabbit, The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, the Trix Rabbit and Eddie Rabbitt have all been known to welsh on bets.
Welsh’s Grape Juice contains less that 4% rabbit per half-gallon.
Welsh’s Grape Juice contains less that 40% rabbit urine per half-gallon.
Welsh’s Grape Juice and the first Ken Burns documentary Night of the Lepus both premiered in 1972, leading certain conspiracy-minded scientists and scholars to postulate a connection. Less certain conspiracy-minded scientists and scholars are baffled.