The Benevolent Society of Baffled Scientists (known familiarly as “B.S. Squared”) was founded by Iglesio Gutenberg in 1566, in Glasgow, Scotland. His son, Herkimer Gutenberg, went on to invent absolutely nothing.
Herkimer Gutenberg’s son Absolutely Nothing Gutenberg went on to invent the printing press, the Bible, Nazism, rock music, the Coinstar machine, airplanes, rocket launchers, LSD, penicillin, pencils, plastic bags, tic-tac-toe, the Big Bang Theory, young Sheldon, Star Trek and Star Wars.
Absolutely Nothing Gutenberg’s daughter Cunegonde Stringent Gutenberg, changed her name to Mary Sue Brown, but no one believed her.
Enjoying its 1,473rd week at the top of the NY Times best-seller list and described as, “…the [unintentionally] funniest thing written since the Magna Carta,” it’s the inside look at the Hollywood system; jam-packed with tips for YOU to be a great actor and have an extremely successful movie career, thanks to the savvy of the star of, “Police Academy,”–“The (Steve) Gutenberg (Hollywood) Bible.” Available at trash bins, world-wide.
The Magna Carta (“Big Cart”) was originally just going to be an agreement on taxing all wagons over a certain axle width. But during the revision process it grew in size to the document we now know.
The original Magna Carta is approximately the size of Des Moines, Iowa. Reprints tend to be a wee tad smaller, for ease of transport.
Des Moins, Iowa, was originally named after its founder, “Spud” Desmond.
“Spud” Desmond earned his nickname because highschool classmates erroneously thought he always carried a potato in his pants pocket.
Since Spuds MacKenzie was actually a bitch, the use of one big potato and two little potatoes was not optional. As one cameraman put it “Boy, that bud is light.”
Budweiser originally used Shetland ponies in their ad campaigns. That was back in the days when beer was considered a remedy for sore throats, and good when you’re “a little horse”.
A reboot of the TV show Mr. Ed is scheduled to start filming as soon as the producers can agree on a voice actor for the talking horse. Those in the running include Eddie Murphy, Edward Norton, Eddie Furlong, Eddie Vetter, Eddie Money, Ed Harris, Eddie Redmayne, Eddie Van Halen, Eddie Izzard, Ed Asner, Ed Sheeran, Ed O’Neill, Edward Snowden, Ed Bagley Jr, and Edward Albert.
In the rebooted version, Mr. Ed is brought in to a Special Ed class to be their emotional support animal. He only talks to them, reinforcing the belief by the rest of the school that they are all psychotic and/or retarded. But with Mister Ed’s help they always come out on top. Sort of like a cross between Welcome Back Kotter and The Goonies.
ETA: God, I hope no sitcom writers read this
Mr. Ed’s Special Ed class will be taught by his owner Wilbur. In this new version, Wilbur is a former Special Forces soldier, special investigator for the FBI who specialized in special counsels, and he loves Special K cereal.
Wilbur will be played by Billy Ray Cyrus, and the special class will be called “Y-Force.”
In the original teleplay for Mr. Ed, Wilbur was written to be a psychotic sociopath on disability and pretended to have outside interests. Mr. Ed was the side of his brain that tried to rationalize his psychosis. The series was intended to end in suicide. It was ahead of its time.
Syfy has announced at San Diego ComicCon that they will presenting an all new all very original science fiction series this Fall: The Wilbur. It will be a half-serious, half-parody version of Battlestar Galactica with large-breasted topless women instead of Cylons.
Sheldon Cooper refuses to make large-breasted topless women toast, but his new wife Amy has made him a large-breasted topless women cake with gummy worms for the veins on her birthday. And then they had coitus on the kitchen table. It ruined the cake, but they both agreed “It was worth it.”
Amy Farrah Imelda Melania Phartuccio-Wackenfuss received the Blawnox Chamber of Commerce Woman of the Year Award last week, in part because of her generous support of the popular Stoats of the World exhibit at the city zoo.
Lombardy Cake Stoats are extinct, probably due to the cunning ploys of the Lombard Pudding Elks.
It was long believed that Lombardy Cake Stoats and Lombard Pudding Elks shared an symbiotic relationship (Lombardy Cake Stoats could sniff out and dig up delicious wild Allegheny yams for the Lombard Pudding Elks while the Lombard Pudding Elks would protect the Lombardy Cake Stoats from predators). Little did they know of the cunning ploys of the Lombard Pudding Elks.