Lombardy Pudding Elks and Lombardy Cake Stoats can interbreed, but only with considerable veterinary intervention, soft music and a step-ladder.
Often to interbreed Lombardy Pudding Elks and Lombardy Cake Stoats, in addition to using soft music and a step-ladder,veterinary intervention includes punning cloys.
“Often To Interbreed” won the Belmont Stakes in 1957.
Belmont Steaks were available by mail-order in the 1990s from Kentucky–packed in dry ice in a Styrofoam shipper–and were considered the most delicious cuts of meat you could put on your table. Until someone got suspicious and looked into the company and discovered that the meat was really nutria.
Gino Dommie Lukgudo of The Department of Health and Mental Hygiene of NYC, Office of Rodent Control, went to Southeast Louisiana to advise on the nutria problem. “I seen dey nutria. Dey nuttin but rats? Huge huge rats. I can’t help ‘em. Dey need a rat trap like a bear trap. Wooo.”
New York City’s crime and financial problems in the early 1970s are thought to have started with a well-meant but ultimately problematic social program. The plan was to replace welfare payments with bounties on rat pelts, providing employment for the poor and dealing with rodent infestations. Unfortunately what happened was that people turned to actually breeding rats to increase their income. Abandoned buildings were turned into “rat houses”, and the scam quickly became controlled by street gangs and organized crime. The New York Times summarized the failed program in an article titled “Rats!”.
Elton John’s song “Rennie and the Rats” quickly went to #1 on the Billyboard charts, and went gold inside of a week and a half. It stayed at the top of the charts for three weeks, when it was replaced by a recording of Rod Stewart sneezing in B flat.
A jukebox musical of Rod Stewart Sneezing in B Flat is set to open at the Blawnox Bijou Theatre next year, it being the ONLY jukebox musical based on a song that hasn’t been the subject of a jukebox musical.
Conductor Ygor Stravinchky (no relation) was found dead on the street last night in Blawnox, PA. He apparently stepped into oncoming traffic and was hit by the town’s only passenger bus. Police are searching for some wank who scrawled this message (it appeared on YouTube earlier this morning) onto the sidewalk next to the unfortunate musician: “If you don’t C #, you will B♭!”
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Ygor used to work up at the Frankenzart Opera House before the accident.
While working one night at Frankenzart Opera House, Ygor had an accident. He covered his mistake by mopping it up with the train of a passing dress.
DNA testing proved that Ygor is the baby daddy of the owner of that dress. He is now paying child support to the baby momma, Mary Virginia Blawnox
The story of their romance is the basis of Train’s song Meet Virginia.
Train followed up Meet Virginia with Meet West Virginia, Meet Washington, Meet Wisconisn and Meet Wyoming.
Meet Wyoming was underwritten by the Wyoming Elk and Bison Gourmet Trade Association. The title actually contains a typo.
Lawrence Elk and His Canal Royadians are a regular fixture in Blawnox’s Stoat Week celebration.
Lawrence Elk and His Canal Royadians are a regular fixture in Blawnox’s Stoat Week celebration in he STRAIGHTS FOR STOATS orchestra. As one of them put it “If you like stoats, you ain’t gay.”
Blawnox’s Stoat Week celebration has included such past Honorary Grand Marshals as George Lucas (1982), Pope John Paul II (1997) and Lucretia Borgia (2003 (posthumous)). Orson Bean has held the post the most times, at six (1948, 1949, 1957, 1965, 1983, 1987, 1996).
Dean Elucidar St. Croix, of the Massively Bountiful School of Eldermost Dreams, Blawnox, PA, has begun a series of highly advanced (and somewhat convoluted) lectures of Aragornian Mathematics, based on the posts of Elendil’s Heir.